


Just Like You

by ProstheticLoVe



Category: Veronica Mars (TV)
Genre: Alternative Season 3, F/M, Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-06
Updated: 2015-09-17
Packaged: 2018-03-29 05:58:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 24,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3885016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProstheticLoVe/pseuds/ProstheticLoVe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>V saves Parker from being raped. What happens now? Begins at the end of 3X01.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: No one belongs to me! If they did there would be more LoVe and MaDi would’ve been canon. Plus about fifty more seasons, and twice as many movies that have to do with the Vmars universe.

Chapter One: Found Out

_While she waits, she holds her breath_

_And thinks about the things we said_

_And takes the modern song she knows_

_But now and then a hollow ghost_

_And everything she said she can fall for_

_She goes on so no one will know_

_Everything that she said she can fall for_

_She knows she’ll be there on her own_

Found Out Caribou

* * *

What first registered with Veronica was that the room was black, like pitch black, like nothing was going to be found in this black abyss of a dorm-room.

_How the fuck was she supposed to find some damn tickets in the dark?_

Her second thought was turn Mac’s lamp on, find the tickets as quickly as possible before Parker and Parker’s boy of the night caught her. She didn’t want them to think that she was watching them, or worse wanting to join in. She knew girls like Parker and they didn’t generally have any sexual limitations – like having a threesome – something Veronica wasn’t really trying to do, especially with whatever scum Parker picked up.

She smiled slightly at the thought of telling Logan a brief make believe story about how Parker asked her to be in a threesome with some other guy. She could practically hear his response.

_And you didn’t invite me, bobcat? That’s it! No Best Girlfriend in the World Award for you._

The next thing she wondered was how bad could the sex be that she heard only one set of breathy moans. When she and Logan had sex they were pretty vocal – well more than pretty, maybe very, possibly extremely. On more than one occasion someone had even knocked on the door to tell them to be quiet, albeit the last time someone came to tell them to shut up the visitors stopped coming all together. Logan saw to that. The thought of that time sent a tingling sensation down to her nether regions at how Logan had handled that uncomfortable situation and angry neighbor.

Veronica tentatively glanced over at Parker and Parker’s boy of the night, but all she saw was someone on top moving frantically, while the other lay pretty still. Her spidey-sense tingled telling her something weird was going on. After a moments hesitation she decided to go with her instincts and turn on the light to make sure that Parker was ok, since from her side of the room it kind of looked like Parker wasn’t moving at all, but that couldn’t be right, could it?

Slowly she turned the lamp on and casually glanced over at Parker to see what was going on.

What she saw made her freeze.

The first thing she noticed was that Parker’s hair was shaven and her skirt was pushed up to reveal her red lacy underwear. The guy beside her – who looked vaguely familiar – sat with his pants down and holding his engorged penis in his hand. He stared at her for a moment and then lunged forward just as Veronica finally snapped out of it.

For a minute Veronica didn’t know what to do.

Should she get out of the room and find security or stay and stop him? She knew by the time she found security the guy would be long gone. She had experience with this after all. Her fight or flight instincts kicked in and she grabbed the lamp and threw it at his head.

She smiled slightly when it made contact and instead of rushing towards the door she moved quickly to Parker to see if maybe she could get her to come too. She began to slap Parker to get to wake up, but Parker was out and with a feeling of dread Veronica knew that she had been ruffied. Just like you. Veronica shook the thought from her head and continued to try to get Parker up.

The guy grabbed Veronica from behind and threw her to the floor. She felt her head connect with the edge of Mac’s bed, but she ignored it knowing she needed to help Parker. Parker didn’t need to go through the pain she had spent so much time denying for so long. She needed to help Parker. He couldn’t get away. This couldn’t happen again.

The guy’s face morphed into the deceased face of Cassidy Casablancas and with a force she didn’t know she had she kicked the guy’s kneecaps. The guy let out a howl and his knees buckled sending him to the floor. The image of Cassidy kept flickering around her head as she struggled to get up and away from him. Her head was spinning and she was having difficulty trying to stand. She felt gooiness run down her head and she knew she was bleeding, but she couldn’t stop, she had to keep going.

She had to save Parker from Cassidy.

She ducked when the guy moved to grab her and crawled towards the door. He grabbed her leg just as she reached the doorknob and yanked her back. She let out a scream when he grabbed the button to her jeans. She tried to move his hands away and began to twist onto her stomach so he couldn’t try anything. She heard him yelling at her and calling her a bitch, but all she could imagine was Shelly’s guest room where she woke up without her underwear with her dress strap broken, and her thighs crusted with blood and semen.

Without warning the door to the dorm burst open and Mac came through carrying Veronica’s tazer. Mac didn’t hesitate when she saw the situation and tazered the guy before he could look to see who had walked in to the dorm. He fell forward and Veronica scurried out of the way before he could fall on her.

She looked up at Mac thankfully and opened her mouth to reply when Mac let out a shriek and ran towards Parker who was still passed out on the bed. Veronica could hear Mac screaming for help, but for some reason the sound was far away. She glanced over at Mac struggling with Parker and opened her mouth to say something when the gooiness ooze trickled it’s way down her neck.

She touched the area lightly and her fingers, as if by magic were covered in red liquid.

Her blood.

_Veronica, you’re bleeding._

And then she passed out.

* * *

 

Logan was trying to make Dick feel better, but he didn’t really know what to do. Dick was kind of a mess and as much as Logan could relate he really didn’t know what to say. Dick was always easy going and a good time, making him feel better wasn’t something Logan had experience with. Dick had experience with making Logan feel better, but not vice versa.

He had left the penthouse to grab some beer and pizza when he got the call. He didn’t check his caller ID since he was too busy balancing the box of pizza, but finally on the fourth ring he managed to get to his phone out and answer it.

“Logan?” He frowned unsure who it was for a minute.He took the phone away from his ear and saw that whoever was calling was using Veronica’s phone, but it wasn’t Veronica’s voice.

“Where’s Veronica?” he demanded setting the stuff on the counter and glancing at Dick who was sitting on the couch staring at the TV stoically.

“It’s…something happened.”

“Mac?” Logan asked finally remembering the girl Veronica was friends’ with. He noticed Dick look over at him when he said her name and he casually turned away from Dick trying to keep the conversation private.

“You should come to the dorm, something happened.”

“You keep saying that. Where’s Veronica?” he asked again an edginess creeping into his voice.

He could feel in his bones that she was hurt. He felt the familiar fear creep into his chest and dislodge all logical reasoning. He needed to get to her. He needed to know she was safe. He had to see her. He didn’t know what had happened, but he knew something wasn’t right. He already felt angry that he wasn’t there to help her. Anger and fear clashed in his body and he tightened his grip on his phone.

“Just come.” Mac said and then hung up. Logan let out a frustrated sound and dropped the phone into his pocket. He glanced over at Dick and frowned when he saw him watching.

“Do you want pizza?” Logan asked nodding down at the pizza he had brought back. He needed to leave now. He was glad he already had everything so he could just take off, but first he had to make sure Dick was ok.

“What’s up with Ronnie?” Dick wondered.

“Something happened.”

“Can I come?” Logan glanced over at Dick and sighed feeling like if he said no it would be like kicking an already beaten puppy.

“Yeah sure. Just hurry.” Logan said moving towards the door.

Dick was right behind him and together they left the apartment and headed to Mac’s dorm.

* * *

 

It was only by a miracle that he found the right dorm and that was because there were flashing red and blue lights and an ambulance outside. He parked somewhere he was pretty sure wasn’t a parking spot and began to run towards the catastrophe outside the dormitory building hoping, wishing, praying, she wasn’t in the ambulance.

“Logan! Logan!” He turned towards his name and saw Mac waving at him. He ran over to her surprised to find Dick beside him when he came to a stop in front of her.

“Where is she?” Logan asked quickly looking around as if Mac had hidden her.

Mac bit her lip and glanced at the ambulance.

Logan followed her gaze and his heart tightened at seeing Veronica bundled up in a blanket and getting checked out by an EMT. For a minute he couldn’t breathe. He felt paralyzed with fear as every bad thought and terrible image of her being in trouble flashed through his mind’s eye.

The roof.

The Fitzpatrick bar.

Shelley’s party.

What he had imagined happened the day his father tried to kill her.

A jumble of images flew through his mind and his stomach turned in sickness at the horror he felt at her being hurt.

When their eyes met across the crowded area Logan’s body was immediately drawn to her tiny shivering one beneath the shock blanket she was curled in. In only a few long quick strides he was before her trying to get around Lamb to touch her, to make sure she was ok. She reached out towards him, but Lamb intercepted them.

“We need your statement, Mars.” Lamb said blocking Logan’s path.

“Let me through.” Logan said trying to duck around Lamb.

Lamb snapped his gum and glared at Logan. “This is an investigation. I need to question the victim.” Lamb said smirking at Logan’s agitated expression.

“Victim?” Logan asked alarmed his eyes meeting Veronica’s.

Her eyes were wide with shock and alarm, but there was something far away in her eyes that he hadn’t seen since that night on the roof. She seemed as if she were somewhere else even though her body was present.

“Mars, needs to give me a statement.” Lamb said bringing Logan’s eyes back to him. He scowled and tried to sidestep Lamb again to reach Veronica.

She let out a whimper and held her hands out to him. His heart broke at the sight of her looking so fragile and scared, two things that should never describe his girlfriend.

“Let me through.” Logan snarled when Lamb blocked him again.

“I need my statement.”

“And I wanna make sure my girlfriend is ok.” The two men glared at each other neither noticing Veronica try to move away from the EMT who was still bandaging her head.

“Ms. Mars you need to stop moving.” The EMT instructed, but Veronica ignored her and attempted to stand up. She seemed to be trying to move out of the vehicle, but since she had a concussion and was in shock her muscles weren’t cooperating. She dropped the blanket from her shoulders and attempted to move towards the door.

“Ms. Mars if you don’t sit still I’m going to have to strap you onto a gurney.” The EMT said grabbing Veronica’s shoulder.

Veronica shrieked and began to thrash around at the contact.

Logan took the opportunity to dive into the vehicle and wrap his arms around her to get her to calm down. He felt her tense and then melt into him. She buried her head in his chest and he felt the wet hot tears soak through his shirt. His mind flashed back to that night on the roof where he’d held her tightly to him as she cried. He cradled her body against his and grabbed the discarded blanket to warm her up. He petted her hair wanting to give her some sort of comfort, although he wasn’t sure if it was working since she continued to quiver in his arms. He felt panic at what she could have gone through tonight while he wasn’t with her. He should’ve been with her.

She was Veronica, trouble was practically her middle name.

“We need a statement.” Lamb said impatiently.

“We’ll give you the statement tomorrow. She’s coming home.” Logan stated impatiently.

“Actually she needs to go to a hospital. She’s in shock and she needs to be watched to see that she doesn’t fall into a coma due to her injuries.” The EMT said watching the tiny blonde cautiously.

“Fine. Then we’ll go to the hospital.” Logan said shortly keeping her close to him not wanting to let her go. The EMT glanced over at the Sheriff.

“We should call a parent or—“

“I’m going with her. Her dad is out of town.” Logan snapped cutting the EMT off.

The EMT uncomfortably took a quick look at Lamb to see what he thought of this.

“What happened, Mars?” Lamb asked without preamble. Logan growled and he moved her slightly so that he was between them, shielding her from any more harm, for the night at least.

“Can’t we do this tomorrow?” He snarled at Lamb.

Lamb smirked and snapped his gum. “Nope. Tonight. Kid’s gonna get charged now before he can get some fancy lawyer.” Lamb said smirking at Logan.

Logan frowned and looked down at Veronica who was clutching him as if she were out to sea with only a floating device to hold on to.

“It was Cassidy.” Veronica said so low Logan wasn’t sure he had heard right.

“Veronica—“ Logan began.

“Cassidy Casablancas is dead, Mars, we know the kid’s name is Mercer Hayes. Now give us the statement.” Lamb said rolling his eyes.

“Tomorrow.” Veronica whispered.

“Fine, Echolls bring her by the station at nine!” Lamb huffing at the couple.

“Actually, Ms. Mars may have to stay a little longer. We need to test—“

“Then I’ll be by the hospital tomorrow at nine.” Lamb snarled spitting out his gum and walked away angrily.

Logan rolled his eyes and looked down at Veronica wondering for the millionth time what had happened that night.

“Can you tell me what happened?” He whispered in her ear right as Mac and Dick hesitantly came up to the EMT van.

“What’s going on?” Dick asked looking at Veronica who was wrapped around Logan and the EMT who was watching them warily.

“She needs to go to the hospital.” The EMT cut in glaring at Logan.

Dick nodded, “I can take your car back.”

Logan smiled slightly thankful that Dick ended up coming. “Thanks man. I’ll be back later.” He said tossing him his keys.

“No problem.” Dick said catching his keys.

The EMT rolled her eyes and shut the door before any more exchanges could be made. Dick and Mac watched them drive away both not knowing what to do. After a lengthy silence and watching the vehicle disappear Dick finally broke it.

“Did you see what happened?” Dick asked breaking the silence.

“Yeah. Kinda.” “Dude, are you going to tell me?”

Mac gave him an odd look. “Do you think I can stay at your place? Mines…it’s being caution taped currently.”

Dick nodded and led her back to Logan’s haphazardly parked car.

“So…”

“Not tonight.”

“Are you—“

“Please, not tonight.” She said getting into the car.

Dick nodded and drove back to the hotel without another word.


	2. Nobody's Fault But My Own

Chapter 2 Nobody’s Fault But My Own

_And on the day you said it's true_  
Some love holds, some gets used  
Tried to tell you I never knew  
It could be so sweet

_Who could ever be so cruel?_  
Blame the Devil for the things you do  
It's such a selfish way to lose  
The way you lose these wasted blues  
These wasted blues

_Tell me that it's nobody's fault_  
Nobody's fault but my own  
Tell me that it's nobody's fault  
Nobody's fault but my own

_Nobody’s Fault But My Own By Beck_

* * *

 

 

The ride to the hospital was almost silent besides the EMT asking a bunch of health related questions. Veronica didn’t speak unless it was more than a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ question.

Logan watched her intently almost nervously as if he were waiting for her to break. But then again wasn’t he always waiting for her to break? He’d watched her fall apart on the roof of the Grand, but after the police came and took them away to a private room to ask them questions she was so stoic. She answered their questions in a detached manner, but it was like she shut down. The only way he could tell she was still in there was the fact she never let go of his hand.

Just like she was now.

It was like that night on top of the Grand all over again. He felt the same nervousness that ate away at the pit of his stomach. What would happen to her now? Would she be ok? What about her dad? The questions were almost the exact same too and he wondered if they’d ever escape fucked up things happening to them.

“Veronica?” he whispered kissing her on the forehead and trying to bring them both back to reality.

She glanced up at him and gave him a weak smile before resting her head on his chest.

“I’m here.” She murmured back.

 

* * *

 

 

Logan’s arms tightened around her and he couldn’t help, but wonder yet again what was going to happen and what had happened while he was at home. Or as close to a home as he had.

They arrived at the hospital and the EMT helped Veronica out before trying to force her into a wheelchair. She adamantly refused to the point where the EMT’s eyes crinkled up and began to glare at her.

Logan smirked at the EMT’s expression. “Does she really have to get into a chair? She’s not an invalid.” He said earning the first real smile from Veronica all night.

“She’s in shock.” The EMT argued.

 “Huh.” He muttered before scooping Veronica into his arms and holding her to his chest. She gave a half-hearted glare on her part, but didn’t ask him to put her down or demand to allow her to walk. Something that scared him more than it should. It wasn’t that he didn’t enjoy carrying Veronica, but he knew if she were really ok she’d put up a fight about being carried like some child.

The EMT rolled her eyes and then led them to the front desk before taking them to an empty room by a nurse. She grabbed a paper gown on the way and then went into the directed room. She dropped them into the room with a humph.

Veronica looked around the room for a minute before glancing over at Logan with a blush creeping up her cheeks.

“I have to change.” She stated.

“Ok.” Logan said. He stood there leaning against the wall wondering why she was telling him this.

She wiggled the gown in her hand and he sighed. “I’ve seen you naked before.”

“I know.”

They stared at each other and then Logan pushed off the wall and stepped out of the room so that she could change. He rested his head on the door and wondered how badly the Heart Rapist had messed up Veronica. If he was being honest with himself he’d admit that she was already messed up because of Cassidy and the Hearst Rapist was just the icing on the cake.

When she was done she opened the door and let him back in. Logan pulled a chair up to her bed and sat down in it as Veronica got under the starched covers of the hospital bed. Shortly after a doctor showed up.

The doctor was tall with salt and pepper hair and Logan wished that they had sent in a woman when he saw the look on Veronica’s face when he appeared.

“Debra filled me in on what’s going on. How are you feeling, Ms. Mars?” The doctor said putting some rubber gloves on.

Veronica shot Logan a look and Logan cleared his throat uncomfortably.

“Can I speak with you?” Logan asked suddenly.

 “What about? And who are you? A brother? A husband? Only family can—“

“My fiancé and I want a female.” Veronica spoke up surprising both of the men.

 The doctor’s eyes narrowed, “fiancé isn’t a husband.”

“And I want a female. I’m the patient and I’m asking for a female doctor or at least a nurse.” Veronica sharply enunciated.

The doctor glared at her and then at Logan who was smirking because Veronica had called him her fiancé, and she had finally seemed to find her voice again.

“It’ll take longer.” He declared.

“We’ll wait.” Logan said putting a comforting hand on Veronica’s shoulder.

The doctor sighed angrily and snapped his gloves off before calling for a Dr. Shaw. He left without another word and Veronica seemed to relax.

“I would’ve been right here.” Logan reassured quietly.

Veronica shook her head. “I know, but…after tonight I just…” she trailed off and began to gnaw on her lip.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Logan asked hesitantly.           

Veronica looked up at him and searched his face as if she were looking for something to deter her from telling him. She was silent for awhile as her blue eyes gazed into his brown ones and then she let out a tiny sigh.

 “I just want it all to go away.” She whispered finally.

“We don’t have to talk about it.” He said hoping that she ignored his suggestion and talked about it anyway.

They needed to. It had been one subject, well actually one of many subjects they hadn’t discussed. The list of Things-Not-Talked-About was growing longer and he really wanted to fix that, but he couldn’t do it if Veronica didn’t want to. Sometimes he was half scared that she would see through him and leave him for good. The first time they dated he’d been so messed up about the truth about Lilly and his dad, and then Weevil and Felix, he had fucked everything up.

This time he was determined to make it work, he’d lived without her, but it wasn’t something he wanted to repeat. He was sure he loved her – had loved her for a long time – but he couldn’t tell her that. He couldn’t scare her away. He tried to be on his best behavior, but there were so many things they had to talk about that he was afraid would drive her away. It was just easier to not discuss them, but even if it was easier that didn’t make it better.

 She shook her head. “I think we should. I mean…I’m going to eventually, right? With the big bad Lamb coming tomorrow.” She tried to smile, but it looked more like a grimace.

“I’ll wait until your comfortable, Ronnie, no pressure.” He said repeating words he’d used half of the summer when Veronica would shy away from him when the make out sessions became too intense.

After the discovery on the roof it had taken Veronica awhile before she was ready to have sex with him and as much as he really wanted to make love to her he wouldn’t push her any further than she wanted to go. It took awhile and they slowly had to work up to it, but eventually she initiated sex with him. He was proud of her and the sex ended up being the best of his life, which made him wonder what was going to happen now that she had regressed.

If the changing incident was any indication he had a feeling that things weren’t going to go back to the way they were. He was tired to brushing everything under the rug anyway, every time he had tried to bring up the rape Veronica shut him down, which led to them never talking about it. Ever.

“Mac and I were going to see that midnight showing I told you about.” She began.

“I remember.”

“Mac forgot the tickets in the room and she was too shy to go in because Parker and…they were…anyway I went in since I’m me and didn’t really care.” She gulped.

She suddenly stuck out a hand and he took it tightly in his own. He wasn’t as surprised by the gesture as he would’ve been when they were dating the first time. When they dated the first summer Veronica wasn’t as touchy-feely with him as she became after they started having sex. On more than one occasion she’d be the one to initiate hand holding instead of him. She’d reach out to him and cuddle at night in bed, but he noticed she’d only do it when they were alone or if she was feeling particularly emotional. It was nice that he got to see the marshmallow-y side to Veronica, something not many people got to see.

 “I couldn’t find the tickets since it was so dark, but I noticed – that well it didn’t sound like real sex.” She continued frowning.

 “What do you mean?”

“When we have sex we’re loud and just…really loud. But it was so quiet, my first thought was maybe it was bad.”

Logan couldn’t help but smile at that, but quickly wiped it away when she looked up at him from starting at the hospital sheets.

“I don’t know why I turned the lights on. It was like a feeling, I guess. So I did and I saw Mercer – that’s his name, right? I saw him on top of her, but Parker didn’t…she didn’t seem…there.” Veronica finished softly.

 Veronica was silent for awhile until Logan prompted her along.

“Then what happened?” Logan inquired caressing her hand gently within his.

 “He attacked me. I hit my head. Mac came in and tazed him. He didn’t…hurt Parker.” She whispered closing her eyes, but then popped them open again as if what she saw in her mind’s eye was too awful to remember.

“You called him Cassidy.” Logan muttered staring into her eyes and trying to read the emotions there. He saw fear, anger, hurt, and sadness. His heart tightened and he desperately wanted to crawl in bed with her and take her into his arms to protect her from everything.

He felt his own anger at Mercer and he wondered, just like he wondered about Shelly’s party if this was his own fault. He knew Mercer, they had gone to Mexico over the summer for a brief weekend while Veronica worked on a case. He’d met Mercer years before at one of his family’s parties and he seemed cool, but now all he wanted to do was beat the shit out of him. He had hurt Veronica and the need to go after the man who had hurt her was overwhelming.

“It just reminded…It was like I was watching what happened to me all over again. I couldn’t… I saw Cassidy when I looked at him.” Veronica admitted in a low tone.

Logan made a move to get closer, but the railing on the bed stopped him. He glared down at the divider and contemplated removing it just so they could be closer. All he wanted to do was protect her from the world and simultaneously all of the hurt he had already caused her. That night on the roof was continuously used as material for his nightmares, but especially Veronica’s anguish filled words.

_He raped me._

The words still haunted him and made him sick to his stomach. He wondered again and again if he could’ve stopped it. He wondered if he hadn’t left with that freshman at Shelly’s, or if he had never started the war in the first place if she could’ve been saved her. He wondered and wondered and wondered.

And finally he couldn’t help, but wonder if she’d still want to be with him after finding out the truth. It was his fault. He was the guilty party. Would she still want him after knowing that it was because of him that she was raped? Did she blame him? And would she still want him now that Mercer – someone he knew – was the rapist?

Now everything was laid bear and he wondered again if this was his fault too. He knew Mercer although he’d never introduced him to her, he still knew him. This was just another way his fucked up life tainted her’s.

If he hadn’t been with Dick. If he and Veronica had went to the movie instead. If Mac had been home earlier. If he had just been there. Would any of this have happened?

 “It’s going to be ok, Veronica.” He whispered needing the words more than she probably did.

“It’s over.” He added kissing her on her forehead as if to make sure she still allowed him to touch her.

She didn’t reply and instead laid against the pillows and stared up at the ceiling quietly. Both were lost in thoughts of the past. All he wanted to do was protect her and somehow he always ended up hurting her more.

 

* * *

 

 

The doctor came in almost an hour later and she tried to mask the annoyance on her face, but both of the teens could tell she was less than happy.

“I’m Dr. Shaw, may I ask what was wrong with Dr. Knob?” she asked putting her gloves on.

“My gir—fiancé was attacked tonight by a rapist. She’s a bit touchy around strange men right now.” Logan said giving the woman a dark look.

Dr. Shaw had the decency to look ashamed and she began to look over Veronica’s chart and then Veronica herself.

“I’m going to take a look at your head and your vagina to make sure everything is ok.” The doctor said ignoring Logan’s wince at the word ‘vagina.’ He’d always hated that word. It reminded him of seventh grade health class.

“You’ve been assaulted before?” Dr. Shaw asked looking between the couple.

Veronica nodded squeezing Logan’s hand in her own.

“And you’ve recently been treated for an STD.” Dr. Shaw said glancing at her chart.

“What does any of this have to do with tonight?” Logan snapped knowing how touchy Veronica was with both subjects.

 “Have you spoken with anyone about what happened to you, Veronica?” Dr. Shaw asked ignoring Logan.

“I don’t need help.” Veronica retorted defensively.

“Everyone needs help.” Dr. Shaw said softly.

“Now can you tell me what injuries you sustained tonight?” she added beginning to inspect Veronica’s nether regions.

“I was attacked and I hit my head. The EMT said I was in shock.” Veronica recited.

Logan couldn’t feel his fingers anymore as the doctor poked and prodded Veronica.

“Did he penetrate you?” Dr. Shaw asked.

Veronica shook her head, “no.”

Dr. Shaw nodded and moved away with her back to the couple so they didn’t see what she was doing. She got out a flashlight and began to have Veronica look into the light and follow her finger to determine the damage done to her head. After a few other tests they were finished.

“Alright, you seem to be healthy enough. I’m going to recommend you two things though. First, you’re going to stay overnight so we can observe you and make sure you’re concussion isn’t a major one and then I’m going to recommend you see Dr. Moon. She’s a specialists with rape victims.”

Veronica flinched at the terminology and looked away. “I don’t need to see a specialist.”

“From what I can tell you’ve been through an ordeal tonight. I don’t know what happened to you in the past, but after something like tonight happens people need to talk about it. If it’s happened to you twice, I _highly_ recommend talking about it. No one can do everything on their own.” Dr. Shaw paused and put the card on the table.

“I’m sorry this happened to you.” she added quietly and then gave them a strained smile before leaving.

Veronica looked down at her lap wanting to avoid Logan’s worried eyes.

“Do you think I should see someone?” she asked breaking the tense silence.

Logan cleared his throat uncomfortably and ran the hand not holding Veronica’s through his hair.

“I think you need to talk about it, but I’ve been saying that for awhile.” He said not dissuaded from the glare she shot at him.

“If I see a therapist – specialist, whatever – would you?” she asked.

He frowned, “what for?”

“Your dad.”

A taut silence hung in the air as Logan stared at her in annoyance and Veronica glared back. Suddenly his lips curved upwards and he sat back in the chair choking out a laugh.

“We’re quite a pair, aren’t we?” he asked.

She cracked a small smile and nodded. She didn’t reply, but her eyes screamed; _do you still want me?_

He sighed heavily and leaned on the railing dividing them. “When’s your dad get home?”

“A few days.”

“I think we should start there.”

“Logan—“

“Veronica.”

“I don’t want to tell him. He’ll only…I’ll get over this. It’ll be fine. We’ll be fine.” She said vehemently.

He shook his head, “come on, bobcat, aren’t you tired of running?”

She glowered at him. “I’m not running, Logan. I just don’t wanna talk about any of this. I don’t wanna deal with any of this. It’s in the past we are moving forward. I saved Parker. The Hearst Rapist is caught. Everything is going to be fine.”

He stared at her wondering if she truly believed that or if she was just trying to build up her own courage.

“Veronica, it’s not ok. You saved Parker and that’s great, but you need to deal with this. You can’t make it right just because Parker is saved. Parker isn’t you and she’ll never be you so before everything can be sunshine and rainbows you need to talk about it. You need to deal with it. If you won’t go to a therapist unless I go then fine, I’ll find someone to talk to about my dad – hell my mom too just for shits and giggles. But you need to see someone because burying yourself in some random case isn’t going to make everything go away. I know you, I know how you are and I know how you cope. Catching one rapist isn’t going to make everything that happened with Cassidy go away. Saving Parker isn’t going to save you. Solving the case isn’t going to make your problems disappear. We will do this together, and we will talk to people we don’t want to, so that we _can_ be ok.” He said ardently staring into her eyes and needing her to hear him. He loved that she was independent and smart, but right now he really wanted her to ask for his help. He really needed her to be ok because she was his rock and if she wasn’t ok he didn’t know what would happen next.

She glanced away trying to figure out the warring emotions within her. She knew he was right and she wanted to give in, but she didn’t want help. She could handle this on her own. She would be fine. If she just compartmentalized it everything would be fine. In a few days she’d be back to normal.

She felt so torn thought wanting to make Logan happy, but wanting to figure it out alone.

“I’ll be fine, Logan. I’ll just…compartmentalize it.” She said finally giving him a feeble smile.

He scowled at her. “Veronica that’s not—“

“Give me a few days and everything will be forgotten. I don’t need to talk to a anyone.” She said cutting him off.

“But Veronica—“

“I don’t want to talk about it anymore.” She snapped interrupting him again.

He ran a tired hand along his face and nodded reluctantly. “Fine.”

He stood up suddenly and stretched finally letting go of her hand. She tensed when he let go and watched him warily.

“Where are you going?” she demanded.

He smiled mischievously at her. “I’m going to go charm a pillow out of a nurse.”

She scooted over in the hospital bed and patted the area beside her.

“Are you—?“

“Yeah.”

He went to turn off the lights and then kicked off his shoes making sure to carefully got into bed beside her making sure not to get in the way of any wires or tubes.

She cuddled into him and he awkwardly maneuvered his long limbs in the small bed.

“Logan?” she whispered into the darkness.

“Yeah?” he mumbled back breathing in the sweet scent of her hair and trying to calm the anger he felt waging within him.

He was angry with Mercer, Cassidy, Veronica, and himself. He knew Veronica needed help and he was angry that he couldn’t will himself to push her more to talk about it. He was afraid of driving her away, but his fear wasn’t doing their relationship any good, or her any good for that matter. He was angry with himself for not protecting her from the monsters that were Cassidy and Mercer and lastly he was angry with Veronica for being so stubborn.

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For being here.” She turned around slightly and gave him a gentle kiss on the lips before turning back around to try and go to sleep. Logan felt most of his anger leave him, but he vowed to figure out a way to get her to open up without scaring her away.

He stayed awake and listened for the tell-tale sign of her light snoring and deep breathing, but it never came.


	3. Darkness Falls

Chapter 3 Darkness Falls

The darkness casted shadows over the room and Veronica snuggled closer to Logan. He had fallen asleep close to four in the morning, but she had stayed away too afraid to close her eyes. Every time she did she saw Cassidy on the rooftop of the Grand mocking her with the truth about her rape or the death of her father. Or else she’d see Mercer from earlier in the night advancing toward her. Even worse she’d be back in Shelly Pomroy’s guest bedroom waking up to an ache between her thighs and anger swirling within her. As much as she tried to shake the images, she couldn’t. So instead she stayed awake and turned onto her other side to face Logan in the narrow hospital bed.

She watched him sleep, studying the relaxed facial expression on his face. She enjoyed seeing him so tranquil. It was a rare sight, especially in recent years and she frequently wished she could give him back so many of the things he’d lost. In sleep he looked so much younger, like when they were thirteen and had sleepovers with the Kanes. 

She wanted to feel jealous of him for actually getting to sleep, but all she could feel was adoration for this man in front of her. He’d stayed with her. He’d taken care of her. And the mere presence of him was slowly bringing her back to reality and making her feel calm once again. 

She wished she could show him how important he was to her. She wished she could let him in more and tell him her true feelings or at least prove to him that all she wanted was him. But her issues got in the way. As much as she told herself she trusted him, that she could rely on him, her actions spoke louder than her words.  
She traced his features as lightly as possible so as not to wake him and pressed soft kisses to his lips, eyelids, and forehead. She wrapped him up in her arms and watched as he pressed himself closer to her. She let her hands trail up and down his side and she ingrained the image of Logan’s face in her head wanting to remember this moment for the rest of her life. She needed to imprint him in her mind, instead of the horrors she saw beneath her eyelids she imagined his face caressing her, teasing her, making love to her, and eventually she fell asleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Veronica awoke to soft voices and a coldness in her that she didn’t like. She blinked against the sun streaming through the window and saw Logan standing in the corner of the room with a phone pressed to his ear. 

“…asleep now, but—“

“Yeah that’s fine.” he said glancing over at her and seeing that she was awake. He listened for another moment, muttered a soft goodbye, then hung up the phone. 

“How’re you doing?” he asked coming to stand beside the bed.

She frowned and eyed him warily. “Who were you talking to?”

Logan gave her a sheepish look and began to rub the back of his neck uncomfortably. Her eyes narrowed knowing that he was getting ready to reveal something he knew she didn’t want to hear.

“Your dad.” He finally admitted and Veronica let out a loud groan.

“Seriously? Logan! I don’t want him knowing—“

“That’s going to be a little fucking hard since – If you weren’t aware, you spent a fucking night in the hospital.” Logan snarled angrily at her.

Veronica crossed her arms and glared at him. “That doesn’t mean you can just call my dad and tell him things about me! You aren’t dating him! You have no responsibilities to him!”

“But I’m dating you and I care about you! So I need to have some type of relationship with your dad!” he yelled back.

Veronica gritted her teeth and looked around the hospital room in search of her clothes. “I’m changing.” She stated sliding out from the bed and grabbing her neatly folded clothes.

“Veronica, stop.” Logan requested running a hand through his hair.

She turned around and stared at him waiting for him to go on.

“What?” she finally asked when he didn’t say anything.

“Why don’t we sit down and start this morning off right?” Logan asked gesturing back to the bed.

Veronica hesitated and then sighed hating herself a little for giving in to Logan’s pleading look. She sat down on the bed and he sat beside her.

“How’re you feeling?” he asked staring at her in concern.

She looked away, out toward the window, and sighed. “Fine.”

“Veronica—“

“Fine-ish.” She said hating that he saw through her lies so easily. She looked down at her crinkled hospital nightgown and sighed heavily. She’d barely gotten any sleep and she was still a little shaken from the night before. Compartmentilizing seemed to be much harder with this situation for some reason than the others.

“I’m not fine.” she finally relented.

There was a beat of silence and then she felt his hand slide across her shoulders to begin to massage the tense muscles beneath his fingers.

“I’m just so…” she trailed off and leaned into his hands.

“Angry?” he suggested.

She nodded slowly.

“I don’t know why. I caught the bad guy. I saved the damsel. I shouldn’t feel this way.” She mused her tone melancholy.

Logan let out a soft chuckle and pressed on a particularly tense spot on her back. 

“You’re only human, Ronnie.” He muttered.

“I know.” 

“Do you, though? I mean, it’s ok to be angry about what happened. It’s ok to be angry at the situation.” He said softly.

Veronica didn’t reply and instead let Logan continue his ministrations. A short while later there was a knock on the door and Veronica got back under the covers as   
Logan put her clothes back on the table. 

A nurse came in with a tray with breakfast, some pills, and began to check Veronica to make sure she was ok. When she was finished, and Veronica had her pills, she gave Veronica a perky smile and announced Sheriff Lamb was outside waiting to come in.

Veronica scowled and looked over at Logan who began to fidget with his shirt uncomfortably.

“Do you want to sit down?” she inquired moving over.

“How polite of you.” he remarked smirking.

“I’m always polite.” She said back giving him a tender smile.

“I remember multiple times you haven’t been.” He recalled wrapping an arm around her and moving her closer.

“Only because I had some jackass bashing in my headlights.” She mumbled and wincing when she felt Logan stiffen beside her. She looked up and saw a pained   
expression on his face. She hated herself more in that moment for reminding him of a time when they weren’t exactly on the best of terms. She had meant to say it to lighten the mood, but it just seemed to make the tension worse.

“Hey, you know I adore you, right?” she said tilting his head toward her.

She searched his brown eyes hating the look of pain and self-loathing in them. She leaned up and kissed him hard on the lips wanting to erase all of the pain they’d caused each other with a single kiss. She knew it wasn’t going to happen, but she knew that as much damage as he’d done to her she’d repaid him in kind. Breaking up with him the way she’d done last summer was one of the more memorable times, something she’d regretted off and on all last year.

“How cute. Very teenage Rom-Com.” Lamb said clapping slowly and stomping into the room effectively ruining the moment.

“Thanks, Lamb. We were actually going for angst ridden Rom-Com mockumentary, but I guess that’s close enough.” Logan said recovering quickly.

Lamb frowned and made a motion with his finger toward the door.

“Echolls, out. I’m not as stupid as the doctors to think you two would ever get married.” Lamb commanded jerking again toward the door.

Logan frowned and mocking said, “didn’t you know we’re already engaged.”

“Mars, wouldn’t want to be associated with a family of killers. Although her reputation isn’t much better; daughter of an ex-Sheriff turned Private Dick.” Lamb said smirking when Logan clenched his jaw. “I guess you could be dysfunctional together, but really when has that ever worked. Can we say second generation fucked up kids?” Lamb added just to put the icing on the cake.

Logan was frozen beside Veronica so she quickly jumped in not wanting to watch her boyfriend get arrested by Lamb, but then again she wasn’t feeling particularly keen towards Lamb for his nasty jabs.

“Logan’s not a killer and never has been. Why don’t you just ask the questions you had Inga make up for you and let’s be finished. I have places to be.” Veronica snapped reaching for Logan’s hand and uncurling his fist so she could properly hold his hand. She chose to ignore the dysfunctional comments or the ones about their family because she really couldn’t think about that right now. Maybe she had thought about hers and Logan’s kids, maybe not, but right now was not the time to dwell on Lamb’s malicious words.

“Echolls has to leave.” Lamb said again.

“No he doesn’t. I want him here. He’s staying.” Veronica responded glaring across the room at Lamb.

“Are you wearing a badge, Veronica? I don’t think so. He’s not your husband or your relative so he needs to leave.” Lamb said again.

“Lamb—“ Veronica began.

“Out Echolls.”

“It’s fine, Veronica I’ll be right outside.” Logan said making a move to get off the bed, but Veronica tightened her hand in his hand needing to keep him there with her.

“I won’t tell you anything unless Logan stays.” She threatened.

Lamb frowned, “Mars, I thought you knew what the term obstruction of justice meant.”

Veronica glared at him and Lamb glared back. Logan half sat and half stood on the hospital bed watching the two of them. Finally Lamb let out a loud sigh and waved to the bed.

“Tell me the story.” Lamb said as Logan sat on the bed beside Veronica.

Veronica glanced over at Logan and tightened her hold on his hand never letting go. She began the story and Logan was surprised to hear how little her tone waivered in comparison to last night. 

When she was done Lamb sat quietly finishing up the last of his notes and then began to ask a few questions, like about the time, where Mac was, and a few other questions Veronica answered quickly.

Lamb stood when he was done speaking and looked around the room. He narrowed his eyes at the card on the table that neither teen had touched since the night before when Dr. Shaw had sat it down. He reached for it and skimmed the business card before setting it back down. 

“So are you doing to talk to this doctor?” Lamb asked casually.

Veronica scowled, “I don’t think that’s any of your business.”

Lamb shrugged and looked around the room.

“Is there anything else you need?” Logan asked noticing how he wasn’t asking anything else, but was still wasn’t leaving.

Lamb ignored him and continued to walk around the room. “Listen, Mars, we haven’t ever really been friends even when your dad worked at the station.”

“How can you say that? We used to braid each other’s hair.” Veronica quipped.

Lamb rolled his eyes and settled against the chair he’d been sitting in. “Listen, Mars, before…when you came to me before—“

“And you told me to go see the wizard?” Veronica asked bluntly making Logan stare at Lamb. 

His eyes were cold and piercing as they leveled on Lamb. She could feel him moving away and she knew he was going to demand to know what exactly Lamb had done and said about Veronica the first time. She’d told him she’d been raped, but never that she’d gone to Lamb, or that she was told to go to the wizard. Her grip on   
Logan’s hand tightened to hold him still, but that didn’t stop him from talking.

“What did you say to her?” Logan growled.

Lamb had the decency to look ashamed for a minute, but the look was gone after a few seconds and he scowled at Logan.

“Watch it kid, I’m the Sheriff remember.”

“And what a stand up job you’re doing. Arresting innocent people, letting murders run free, not capturing rapists, and ignoring important evidence just so you can   
continue to be the Sheriff of Neptune.” Logan snarled.

Lamb glared at Logan and then swung the glare to Veronica. “You should get help, Mars. No one can—“

“Should I ask the wizard for help?” Veronica snapped back.

Lamb gritted his teeth and moved away from the seat he was leaning against. “I could tell your father, you know. I could tell him about how you came into the station—“

“Are you doing to tell him what you didn’t do? Or what you actually said?” Veronica replied the tremor of anger evident in her tone.

Lamb opened and closed his mouth a few times before glaring at the two of them.

“I don’t know why I bother.” He muttered and then made his way toward the door. “If I have any questions I’ll contact you.” he said before leaving.

“Can’t wait.” Veronica muttered glaring as the closed door. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Logan asked breaking Veronica’s glaring contest with the door.

“Tell you what?” she asked glancing over at him.

“Oh I don’t know, maybe about Lamb being an insufferable prick.” 

“You already knew that.”

Logan let out a frustrated sound and began to pace the length of the room. Veronica watched quietly knowing he was trying to keep his anger at bay.

“You know, Veronica, I’m your boyfriend—“

“Color me surprised. I had no idea that the guy that I spend almost eighty percent of my time with, whose house I sleep over, and who makes love to me is my boyfriend. I just thought you were a really good friend.” She said rolling her eyes.

He glared at her and continued to pace the room. “Why didn’t you tell me about Lamb?” he asked again.

She shrugged and looked down at her hands that were tightly gripping each other. “It didn’t make sense to. I figured you’d act like you are now.”

“And how am I acting? Like a concerned boyfriend? Like a guy worried about his girlfriend because she isn’t dealing with anything?”

“I am dealing with things! I’m not running away!”

“Maybe not physically, but mentally you are! Why can’t you for once just admit you need help? Why is that so hard for you?”

She bit her lip not knowing what to say in return, but thankfully the door opened to reveal Dick and a frustrated looking Mac.

“We aren’t interrupting your love fest, right?” Dick said holding up a bag.

Logan shook his head and grabbed the back from Dick. 

“Your keys.” Dick said handing Logan’s keys over as well.

“Thanks.” Logan said and then disappeared into the bathroom. Veronica started at his retreating back and then slowly brought her gaze back to Mac and Dick.

“How’re you doing, Ronnie?” Dick asked sitting in the vacant chair as Mac sat on the bed beside her.

“I’m fine.” Veronica said shortly and then looked over at Mac who was oddly silent.

“How’s Parker?” she asked.

Mac gave her a small smile. “We visited her before coming here. She’s good. Scared and sad, but really thankful for what you did. She keeps talking about baking you something. Her parents are coming in tomorrow.” Mac said quietly.

“Good.” Veronica replied and then tried to look anywhere, but at the two of them.

“Mac and I had a sleepover last night.” Dick blurted out breaking the stiff silence.

“And how was that?” Veronica asked not paying much attention and instead focusing her attention on the bathroom door.

“She snores.” Dick said.

“I do not. You’re the one who blares the TV and talks in his sleep.” Mac snapped back.

“I do not! No girl has ever told me I talk in my sleep.” Dick said proudly.

“Well I’m sure no girl stays the night.” Mac retorted.

“Dude, I atleast like to get my cuddle on before I go bang her sister or friend or something. Its always good to get in a good cuddle so that you don’t feel too bad about hitting and quitting it.” Dick said grinning.

Mac rolled her eyes and looked over at Veronica who was staring into space.

“You’re every girls dream, you know that.” Mac said facetiously.

Dick smirked and leaned back in the chair putting his hands behind his head.

“I’m aware.” He made a big show of stretching and showing off his washboard abs before winking at Mac who gave him a disgusted look.

The door of the bathroom finally opened and Veronica moved to get out of bed so that she could change. As Logan passed her he handed her the bag, but didn’t make eye contact and she felt an odd tightening in her chest at the lack of acknowledgement. 

She went into the bathroom and changed into the clothes Dick had brought from Logan’s. There were a few yoga pants and t-shirts she had kept at Logan’s when she stayed over so she was glad that Dick at least grabbed the right yoga pants, but when she saw the shirt she let out an annoyed sound seeing that it was one of Logan’s. The shirt was blue and v-neck and one of her personal favorites on him. She brought the cloth up to her nose and inhaled his scent feeling the familiar stirrings of desire at the pure Logan aroma. Ocean. Cologne. And something distinctly Logan that always relaxed her.

She emerged shortly from the bathroom wearing the black yoga pants and blue v-neck.

“So are you guys ready to blow this popsicle stand?” she asked combing a hand through her hair.

“Are you all healthy again?” Mac asked curiously.

Veronica glanced over at Logan who was picking at the breakfast tray she hadn’t eaten. She noticed he wasn’t eating it either, but making art with the eggs and bacon.

“I’m perfectly fine.” She said giving her a wide smile.

“Parker might be getting out tomorrow if all of her tests come back negative.” Mac said as Veronica gathered the small amount of things around the room.

Veronica didn’t reply to that and instead concentrated on packing the clothes neatly into the bag Dick had brought. She looked around the room one last time and noticed that the card on the desk wasn’t there anymore. She looked over at Logan who was still playing with the food as Dick talked to him. She stared at him willing him to look her way, but if he felt her gaze on him he steadfastly ignored it.

“Maybe we could stop to get something to eat.” Mac said filling the silent void.

“I’m not really hungry.” Veronica said making everyone in the room look at her like she was insane. “Let me go sign out.” She added and disappeared from the room to avoid everyone’s gaze on her.

Mac looked over at Logan with concern written on her face and fidgeted uncomfortably before voicing her thoughts.

“Is she ok?” she asked.

Logan stared at her for a moment and then looked over at Dick who was watching him.

“What do you think?” he asked rhetorically giving them both a solemn look. 

Neither of them responded and when Veronica came back they silently made their way to Logan’s car. They drove toward Hearst to drop Mac off and then toward the Grand to drop Dick off. Logan pulled into Veronica’s apartment complex and turned the car off.

“Are you going to come in?” she asked.

“Do you want me to?” he asked glancing over at her.

She gave him an intent look and then grabbed the bag at her feet. Logan followed taking that as an invitation and they went into her apartment, greeted enthusiastically by Backup. Logan volunteered to take him for a walk so that she could shower and get comfortable. 

She complied and when she was finished changing into her pajamas after her shower she heard a sound in the living room. She went to investigate and saw her father putting his briefcase down. When he saw her he hurried to her and pulled her into his arms.

“Oh honey, what happened? Logan called me—“ Keith began, but was cut off by Veronica’s sobs and he held her tighter.

“Honey, it’s ok. Everything will be ok.” Keith soothed trying to get her to calm down.

After what felt like longer than it should’ve been Veronica settled down and wiped her tears away. Just as she was beginning to relax the front door opened and Logan came back with Backup. Backup immediately pounced on Keith and Logan stood awkwardly in the doorway, much like he had when Keith returned after the plan explosion at the beginning of the summer.

“I’ll let you two catch up.” He said rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

“How about you stay for breakfast and you to tell me what happened last night.” Keith said looking between the two of them

Veronica and Logan shared a look and begrudgingly she moved to sit at the counter while her dad went to the kitchen.

“So spill, how did you end up in the hospital and why was Logan calling me instead of you?” Keith asked firing up the stove.

Logan looked over at Veronica who was staring at the fruit bowl.

“Veronica?” Keith prompted.

“I walked in at the right time and stopped the guy from raping another victim.” She said her tone filled with susurration.

“You always have to be the heroine.” Keith said shaking his head his voice torn between being impressed and worried.

“Are you hurt?” he asked looking over at Logan who fidgeted at the question.

“No.” she lied.

“She has a concussion and was checked out last night. We have to watch her for a few days to make sure everything is ok.” Logan cut in.

She glared at him and he shrugged.

“Anything else?” Keith asked eyeing the two suspiciously.

Veronica automatically said no, but Keith noticed Logan hesitated before remaining silent.

“Alright, but the bad guy is caught?” Keith asked watching Logan intently to see if any of his behavior could be a clue. He wasn’t as adapt to reading Logan, but he was much easier to read than his daughter who seemed to be getting better and better at hiding the truth.

“Confirmed. Now I’m actually pretty tired. I think I’m going to go to bed.” Veronica said hopping off the chair.

Keith eyed her warily, but she ignored him as she leaned in to kiss Logan and then disappeared into her room. Logan sat silently as Keith stood across from him watching him carefully. The bacon sizzled on the stove breaking the silence.

“Alright Logan, what’s really going on? My daughter doesn’t usually say no to bacon. I know something isn’t right.” Keith said.

Logan hesitated and began to play with a string on the sleeve of his shirt.

“Logan.” Keith said and Logan was suddenly reminded of the many times he’d been interrogated by this man for various things when he was Sheriff, or even when he began dating Veronica.

“You should ask her.” Logan said looking up at Keith.

“You think she’d tell me?” Keith asked incredulously.

Logan smirked and shook his head, “I think she should talk to someone.” 

Keith stared at him trying to read through the words he’d said.

“Why?” Keith asked finally.

Logan reached into his pocket and pulled out the white business card Dr. Shaw had put on the table for Veronica. 

“The doctor gave Veronica this.” Logan said sliding it across the table.

“A therapist?” Keith asked in surprise.

“I’ll pay for it if that’s the issue, I just…” he trailed off and ran a tired hand through his hair.

Keith nodded slowly and eyed the card. “Thank you.” he said finally looking up at Logan.

Logan gave him a wobbly smile and moved to get off the chair.

“Are you going to stay for breakfast?” Keith asked waving to the bacon on the stove behind him.

Logan blinked in surprise and then slid back into the chair. “Sure.” He said his voice sounding more shocked than he meant it.

Keith smiled and finished making the food before wrapping a plate for Veronica and putting it into the refrigerator. He handed Logan a plate and the two men ate in silence both of their thoughts occupied with the girl supposedly sleeping in the other room.


	4. Run baby Run

Chapter 4: Run Baby Run

 _Love's an elusive charm and it can be painful_  
To understand this crazy world  
But you're not gonna crack  
No you're never gonna crack  
Run my baby run my baby run  
Run from the noise of the street and the loaded gun  
Too late for solutions to solve in the setting sun  
So run my baby run my baby run

_Run Baby Run by Garbage_

 

Veronica slept fitfully that night. She had grown used to waking up in the strong protective arms of her boyfriend and couldn’t seem to sleep without knowing he was there. In all honest though, she missed Logan. She missed his body pressed against her’s and snuggling closer to him when she awoke from a bad dream. She wished that she could call him and tell him that, but she wouldn’t allow herself to be so weak. Not when this whole thing with Cassidy and Mercer was still lingering between them. Appearing weak and needy was not how she wanted him to think of her. If he saw her like that he’d finally see how broken she truly was.

She refused to look into whether it was her pride holding her back from not calling Logan in the dead of night, the look on her father’s face if he found Logan in her bedroom in the morning, or something else. Whatever the reason was she refused to call him to come over so that she could sleep more than two hours without dreaming of Cassidy or Mercer.

She finally emerged from her bedroom at a little past nine the next morning to find her father making breakfast. She frowned wondering what the occasion was, but was too tired to actually ask. Sliding into a seat she stole a piece of bacon from the plate and began to nibble on it.

“How’d you sleep, daughter of mine?” Keith asked in a forced cheerful tone.

Veronica frowned slightly and shrugged. “I dreamt of sunshine and fairies, how could I not have slept well?” She snarked.

“That’s funny because last time I checked sunshine and fairies didn’t generally provoke screams from the dreamer.” Keith said giving Veronica a sideways look before finishing the eggs he was scrambling.

Veronica shifted uncomfortably and cursed herself for not calling Logan to come and sleep over with her so that he could have at least woken her up before she alarmed her dad. If Logan had slept in her bed none of this – _stop thinking like that Veronica, it’s not Logan’s fault it’s yours_.

“Screams you say? I don’t—“

“Stop, Veronica. Listen I want to talk to you about some things.” Keith said reaching into a drawer and pulling something out.

“Is this going to be like the birds and bees talk because I already—“

“I want to talk about what happened on Saturday.” Keith started placing his hand on the table.

Veronica could see that he was covering something and she felt her stomach plummet, a feeling of dread washed over her. She wasn’t sure what her dad was covering, but she had a pretty good idea. And she had a pretty good sense of who gave him that stupid fucking business card. She cursed her boyfriend again. God that boy made her crazy, he was always messing with something in her life.

“I think we should talk about what happened with the Hearst Rapist.” Keith stated.

“No.” Veronica replied quickly willing herself to move from the chair, but she couldn’t seem to. She was torn between wanting to confirm what her father was hiding and running from the reality that was her life.

“Veronica, please. Let’s talk about this, like calm adults. Something happened and as much as I wish you would tell me, I know you. I have a business card for a Doctor M—“

“How could he go behind my back and do this!” Veronica yelled suddenly shocking Keith into silence.

He stared at his daughter for a minute before reaching across the table and taking her hand.

“Veronica, who are you—“

“Logan! Logan gave you that stupid card didn’t he! I am going to kill him.” She raged finally finding the strength to move away from the table and towards her room.

She could hear her father behind her, but she ignored him. She heard snippets of what he was saying. Something along the lines of ‘help’ and ‘good for you.’ Hurrying into her room she began to shove clothes into her messenger bag not paying attention to what she was grabbing. She was so angry with her father, at Logan, at that stupid doctor that thought she needed help. She didn’t need anyone’s help. She could do this alone. She had to do it alone. She was strong she could deal with this.

“Veronica, please be sensible. We need to talk about this.” Keith urged quickly.

Veronica shook her head and turned to glare at her father. “I’m leaving.”

“Where are you going?” he shouted as she moved quickly to the front door.

“School.” She replied and then slammed the door.

Keith watched her go sadly and then looked down at the business card he was still holding, sighing heavily he put it back in the drawer.

* * *

 

 

Veronica drove faster then she knew she should’ve to get to campus, but she was so frustrated and lost in rage she ignored the traffic laws in order to get away. She needed to escape the apartment. She needed to get away from that conversation. The need to run was almost overwhelming and when she finally pulled into the parking lot at school she allowed herself a nice long cry.

She cried for her inability to deal with anything, for pushing her father and Logan away, and for all the things that had happened that she couldn’t control. When it neared the time of her first class she wiped her eyes, put on some lip gloss, and a cheery smile.

She texted Wallace to let him know she would be staying a few days if it was ok with him. After sending him a quick text apologizing, letting him know she was ok, and that her dad was still out of town – she’d been ignoring the ones he’d been sending her – she got out of the car and headed to class.

 

* * *

 

Veronica felt less angry after Crim, but when she saw Logan waiting outside her classroom with a large double chocolate chip mocha Frappacino and a bag that held no doubt some tasty treat her irritation increased once again, despite herself.             

She didn’t want to be angry with Logan, but the knowledge that he’d talked to her dad pissed her off more than she’d thought. She felt betrayed, anger, upset, and hoodwinked, but what frustrated her the most was that she felt as if her feelings had increased tenfold for whatever reason. If this had happened any other time she would’ve dismissed their over-protectiveness and even thought it was cute, but now it was just annoying. She knew she’d had a stressful and emotional few days, but it was Monday and therefore the weekend was in the past, so why was she still so affected by the events?

“What are you doing here?” she demanded coming up to stand in front of him.

“Bringing you breakfast.” He stated holding up a brown paper bag and giving her a small smile.

“Did my dad order you to do this?” she snipped.

Logan frowned and put the bag back down by his side.

“Uh no.” he said glancing at the other students still leaving the room and eyeing them with interest.

“Ronnie, how about we go talk. In private.” He suggested giving her a meaningful look.

Veronica scowled and wrapped her arms around her chest. “Don’t call me that.”

“Bobcat, then.” He said turning to walk down the hall so they could find a secluded area to have their fight.

 “Don’t use cute nicknames, Logan.” She growled.

He opened his mouth to reply, but was instead pushed into a dark lecture hall that Veronica spotted. He stumbled, and Veronica sashayed into the room behind him making sure to lock the door so they wouldn’t be disturbed.

"What the hell were you thinking, Logan?!” she blew up glaring daggers at him.

“About what? The muffin? I was thinking you had a bad day so I wanted to make it better. I know a muffin isn’t going to change what happened with that girl and Mercer but—“

“Not about the muffin! About my dad! What did you two talk about yesterday when I went to bed?” she snapped putting her hands on her hips.

He blinked and then let out a long sigh. He slowly put the coffee drink on the teacher’s desk and then he put the bag beside it knowing this was going to be a dozy of a fight.

“Do you really want to get into this right now?”

“Yes, I really do. You went behind my back—“

“I didn’t go behind your back Veronica! Your dad asked me a simple question! He wanted to know what happened. I told him to talk to you. I wasn’t going to lie to him. He’s your dad and he’s the only decent parent I know so I know when he asks a question about you he cares enough to actually take action. He wants to help you. So do I!” Logan yelled.

Veronica gritted her teeth and shook her head. “I’m an adult I can make my own decisions. You can’t make me go to therapy because some doctor suggested it.”

“It’s not only the doctor! I’ve been waiting to say something since the roof. You need to talk to someone.”

“I have you to talk to! Or my dad! Or Mac or Wallace! I don’t want to talk to some stranger.”

“But you don’t talk to any of us. You just make jokes and—“

“Oh I’m sorry Mr. Most Evasive Conversationalist Ever. If I make jokes to avoid my issues, what do you do? You do the same fucking thing, Logan. Every time I tried to talk about your dad this summer you said you were like Orphan Annie. Then you would shut me out. If I don’t want to deal with anything what does that make you? Huh? Tell me Logan! Why am I the one being pinpointed for being so fucked up when you’re just as fucked up as I am!” she shouted passionately.

He stared at her for a moment and she felt an odd sensation flow through her body. If took her a minute to realize what it was since it had been so long since she and Logan had really gotten into an argument – well okay a few months – but finally she identified the emotion to be regret. Regret, for what she was saying and as much as she wanted to take it back she seemed to be steamrolling straight ahead ignoring the dangerous signs and just continuing towards destruction.

“That’s different. Aaron’s dead. I’m over it.” He replied his voice a deadly calm.

_Another warning sign, cease Veronica, halt. Do not continue._

She tried to ignore the hurt that was welling up in his eyes because of her accusations, but she couldn’t seem to stop her mouth from spewing hurtful words out. It was like she was having an out of body experience and watching herself hurt him with vicious words.

“Cassidy’s dead too. I’m over it.” She snarled back mocking him while cringing on the inside.

“But Mercer—“

 “Was a criminal who I caught. I did the right thing. I caught the bad guy. It’s what I do.” She retorted.

Logan stared at her for a long minute and Veronica tried to read the darkness swirling in his eyes, but it was almost like the windows had been closed to her. She couldn’t read him and that made her scared for what was to come. She felt an ache in her heart as all the possibilities ran through her mind. She wondered suddenly what would happen if he broke up with her and she swore for a minute her heart stopped beating because of the sudden pain that shot through her at the very thought.

“Just…please drop it. Can’t we just go back to how it was before?” she pleaded taking a step to him. She didn’t want to have this conversation. She didn’t want to hurt him. She just didn’t want to deal with this. Why couldn’t he understand?

Logan shook his head and took a step back. “No.”

She felt her breath hitch in her throat and she narrowed her eyes at him unable to believe his audacity at not allowing her to live in her own denial-filled world just for a little while longer. If Logan didn’t let her deal with it then maybe things would return to how they were. Why was he forcing her to face this when all she wanted to do was put it in the past, like so many other things they had dealt with?

“Why not? The Mercer thing isn’t a big deal! I can even forgive you for going to my dad—“

“I didn’t go to your dad, Veronica! I was asked a question about your well fair! I’m not lying to him about that. He deserves to know what hap—“

“So that’s it! You and my dad are best buds now, Logan? You had a shitty dad so now you have to make up for it? Is that it? Well fine, whatever. Since you’re my dad’s new bestie tell him I’m staying at Wallace’s. And I’m not coming home until he drops this idiot idea of therapy.” She shrieked not realizing what she was saying. She had finally reached the destruction zone and now she was full on crashing and burning. She couldn’t believe the words that had just fallen out of her mouth.

_Please let me take them back. Please let me take them back. Please._

 She opened her mouth to apologize or beg for forgiveness, but instead Logan grabbed his fallen backpack and left the lecture hall unable to even look at her.            

 She wanted to ignored the stricken look on his face, but it was frozen in her brain unable to disappear. She tried to will herself to move, but for some reason she was powerless to do so. She stood motionless in the middle of the empty room not capable to go after the man she’d hurt so badly. The longer she stood in that room the more the world seemed to crash around her, the more the pain began to spread to her limbs until it took control. She felt light headed and dizzy, like she couldn’t breathe all of a sudden, her tongue burned with the hurtful words she’d said to him, heart ached with the injured look on his face. She had to sit down or else she was sure she’d pass out. But first she had to go find him, and make things right. She needed to fix it.

In an almost catatonic state Veronica reached out for something, anything to sit on, but when nothing was within grasp she plopped down on the floor feeling like her world was ending. She buried her head in her hands and tried to take deep breaths to steady her breath, but she couldn’t seem to calm down. The only person that could calm her down was currently probably hating her because of the damage she had caused, and she couldn’t blame him because she hated herself too.

 

* * *

 

Veronica ended up at Wallace’s somehow finding it in the fog she seemed to be incased in. He had texted her back of course, but asked too many questions about her head and what had happened Saturday night. She hadn’t really replied other then an ‘I’m fine.’ Wallace didn’t bring up Logan nor did Veronica.

She was too focused on her fight with Logan that was still ringing in her ears. She’d gotten her phone out numerous times to call him, but as she reached for number three – her dad was one and she’d never removed Lilly from two – she drew back as if burned.

Wallace had class that night so Veronica was spread out on his bed with her Crim textbook and a milkshake. Although the full milkshake was melting into a sad mess in its’ container since she couldn’t even bring herself to eat. She felt sick at the prospect and she refused to wonder whether it had to do with Logan or the conversation she didn’t want to deal with. She was so consumed by her thoughts that she didn’t hear the door open.

“Veronica! This is a nice surprise.” Piz said eagerly when he saw her atop his roommate’s bed.

“Hi.” She said not glancing up from her book.

“What are you doing here? Waiting for me?” Piz joked.

“Wallace actually. I’m staying here for a few days.” She said still trying to read her textbook.

“Cool. Cool. Well you’re always welcome here.” He said backing up towards his bed and missing it all together when he went to sit down. He hurriedly got up from the floor where he’d fallen and dusted himself off trying to maintain an aura of coolness.

“Hm.” She mumbled back. She rubbed her eyes trying to remove the exhaustion from them, but found that when she returned to the textbook they were even blurrier than before.

She let out a huff when she realized that not only could she not focus her eyes she couldn’t focus her mind. Her mind kept going back to her and Logan’s fight. She felt like a combination of the world’s worst girlfriend and biggest bitch. She didn’t mean to say any of that stuff to him, she just felt ganged up on by her dad and him. She didn’t know why it was so hard for her to admit to needing help, but she did and she didn’t know how to change her spots or strips or whatever.

She hated herself for saying those things to Logan, but they all just slipped out. He should know that when she became angry she got defensive and stupid hurtful word vomit spilled out of her mouth. He should know because he did the same thing. She wished not for the first time that day that she could go back to earlier in that empty classroom and take everything she said back. She wished she could kiss him and make it better. She wished she wasn’t such a screw up.

“…and it was so fun. I think I got the job.” Piz finished saying.

Veronica blinked coming back to reality and looked over at Piz to see him beaming at her and having just finished some story.

“Awesome.” She said not having heard a word.

“So I was thinking, maybe this weekend. You’d like to go bowling.” Piz asked cautiously.

If Veronica had been paying attention she would’ve caught the shakiness in his voice, but she was instead concentrating on thoughts of Logan and how she could make it up to him. That was if he hadn’t decided to break up with her because of her crazy bitch tendencies.

“I know it seems sudden, but I really think we have a connection. I mean—” Piz continued to say.

Thankfully he was interrupted by a knock on the door.

“I wonder who that could be.” Piz mused giving a wink to a stoic Veronica.

Veronica continued to stare at her textbook not noticing the knock on the door or Piz going to get it.

“Hey, I’m here for Veronica.”

Veronica’s head snapped up at the voice and she slammed the textbook closed before sitting up on the bed. She stared at Logan from behind Piz who still stood in the doorway.

“I don’t know—“ Piz began to explain, but Logan ignored him and pushed his way into the room walking directly to Veronica.

“Ronnie, bobcat, please come home.” Logan said quietly standing in front of her.

She slid off the bed to stand a few mere inches from him, gazed into his eyes, and felt her heartbeat speed up. God, she missed him. All she wanted to do was snuggle into his arms and allow him to take her home. But her damn pride got to her brain before the more marshmallow-y part could say ‘yes, of course. Let’s go home.’

“What’s your damage, Logan? Coming in here and barging into Wallace’s room!” Veronica snapped ignoring the physical pain that shot to her heart at the wounded look in his eyes.

“Oh I’m sorry Heather, I’m looking for a Veronica. She’s tiny, blonde, and a raging bitch right now.” Logan snarled back.

“Woaw, dude, calm down.” Piz said trying to barge into the conversation, but neither of them acknowledged him.

She glared at him and resisted the urge to hurl her Crim textbook at his face. She wanted to tell him she was sorry, that she was a huge bitch, and that everything wasn’t fine. But the words wouldn’t come. Instead anger, vicious words, and glares seeped from her like an open wound.

 “Why are you even here? I thought you’d have gone home by now and ordered one of your Maid-To-Order Barbie Whores.” She snipped scanning his face to see beyond what he was showing her. She cursed the closed off expression on his face and hated how she couldn’t read him.           

“I’m here to make sure you’re ok. I know you don’t care about my feelings, but I care about yours.” Logan stated as if it were the most obvious thing in the world and pointedly ignoring the jab about his past sexual liaisons.

“What’s wrong?” Piz asked curiously watching the two of them.

Both Veronica and Logan ignored him their attention solely on one another. She tried to convey to him how sorry she was for saying those things with her eyes, but she knew as his expression grew darker she was going to have to do some serious groveling to win him over.

“I do care about your feelings, Logan. I’m just…” she trailed off rubbing her chest absentmindedly as the ache raged inside her.

“You always have a funny way of showing it.” He mumbled.

She gazed up at him her eyes locking on his chocolate ones.

“Are you going to make me go?” she asked her voice so quiet Piz needed to strain to hear it.

“I’m not going to make you do anything.”

“Thank you for being honest.” She said quietly.

“I think you should though. It’ll be good, not just for you, but for us.” Logan whispered.

She shook her head, “how do I know you’ll actually come with me? What if you leave?”

He gave her a pointed look. “Have I done anything to make you think I’m going to leave?”

“Your actions say it all.”

“Currently my action is motionless so I don’t—“

“Earlier it wasn’t.”

“Earlier was different.”

“It’s always different with you isn’t it.”

“Are you suggesting I live by double standards?”

“No I’m suggesting you can’t make promises I know you can’t keep.”

“You’re assuming a lot there, Ronnie.”

They glared at each other and Veronica could see the sparkle of something deeper creeping into his eyes. She knew they weren’t only talking about the Mercer and Cassidy thing, they were laying out their shared issues. Abandonment. People leaving. Between them they could fill a graveyard with that number.

“Come on, bobcat, let’s just go home and talk about this. I’ll make you some hot chocolate and we can come up with a compromise.” Logan urged.

“No.” Veronica replied and crossed her arms.

Logan smirked slightly at how much she looked like a petulant child.

“Veronica…” Logan trailed off caught between amused and frustrated.

“I’m not going. Not without you. I’ll only go if you do.”

“There’s nothing I need to talk about.”

“Denial isn’t just a river in Egypt Logan.”

“How original. What other geographical observations can you come up with? The sky is blue. The grass is green. Your home isn’t some foul miniature dorm room with some guy from Brigadoon. Come home with me.”

 “Wait! Are you _The_ Logan Echolls?” Piz asked interjecting into their conversation.

 Neither of them glanced at him, but Veronica did notice that Logan twitched slightly at the question. A question she knew he hated. She felt her resolve softening and she tried to shove her pride out of the way so that she could at least try to get him to understand where she was coming from. He had to know how much she didn’t want to face this.

“Logan, I’m not going to be pressured into going just because you and my dad think it’s a good idea.”

 “It is a good idea! God! You can be so frustrating. I just want to help you!” Logan snapped taking a step back and beginning to pace the small dorm room.           

Veronica scoffed and blocking his path so he could stop pacing. She put her hands on his cheeks so that they could look each other right in the face.

“Maybe I don’t want your help. Maybe I just want you to be a good boyfriend and stand by my decisions.”

“You guys are dating?” Piz asked again receiving no response to his question.

“I’m not Duncan, Veronica! I’m not going to stand ideally by as you go around saving damsels in distress or idiots who get themselves into trouble.”

“I’ve saved you plenty of times!”

 “I can’t help my damsel rank, I’m just too pretty.” Logan snarked bringing a small smile to her face.

Veronica shook her head and tried to glare at him. “I’m not going.”

“Come on, we’ll do it. Together.” Logan said putting his hand over one framing his face.

She took a step back anger bubbling up again. “You can’t just demand me to go with you! I don’t need help, Logan. How many times do I have to say it?”

“Probably until you start believing it. I’m not going to leave you to drown, Ronnie. I want to help. What do I have to do to make you understand! I just want what’s best for you.” Logan yelled finally losing his patience.

 “You went behind my back and went to my dad!”

“I didn’t go to you dad! He asked me a question. I answered it honestly! Isn’t that what you’re always harping about, honesty! I told him the truth and he took it from there. You’re blowing this out of proportion.”

“I’m blowing this out of proportion! How? Because I feel betrayed by you and my dad ganging up on me! What happened with Mercer isn’t a big deal! I saved Parker.”

“If it’s not such a big deal then why can’t you sleep? Why have I found you sleeping on the couch more times than I can count! How come you cry in your sleep, Veronica? If there’s nothing that needs fixing then why are we having these problems! You’re ignoring the truth!”

Suddenly out of no where Piz stepped in between them and put his hands up as if to ward off an attack

Both Veronica and Logan stared at him in confusion.

“Piz what the hell are you doing?” Veronica snapped trying to see over his shoulder to Logan.

 “Protecting you from Logan.” Piz said glancing behind her and then widening his body to attempt to protect her.

Veronica stared at him for a minute at a loss of what to say. She couldn’t even bring herself to look at Logan because she knew the indignant look that would be reflected in his eyes. She needed to fix this. Logan deserved better than how she was acting. She was torn between wanting to continue running from the situation and wanting to fix it. She took a deep breath and looked over at Logan whose head was downcast and she knew was thinking of his father. If she could see his eyes she knew they’d be distant and downtrodden. She didn’t even know why Piz was getting in the middle of their conversation, couldn’t he just leave?

“Piz, Logan would never hurt me. He cares about me. He just wants the best—“ _For me_ she finished in her head.

_Because he cares about you. Adores you. Probably even loves you._

 And then everything clicked. He did understand where she was coming from. How could she be so stupid to believe he couldn’t? He always understood, even all the bad parts she still couldn’t grasp. How could she possibly think that Logan would make her do anything that wasn’t in her best interest? He cared about her, wanted the best for her. He wanted to help make sure she was ok, because he cared.

He really cared.

Had it really been so long that she couldn’t even realize when someone genuinely cared without wanting something in return? Sure, there was her dad, Mac, and Wallace. But none of her boyfriends actually wanted to actively take care of her, like Logan. It was always Logan. She had been living this summer with him simultaneously as if it were their last time together and their first. She wanted to imprint him into her memory to make sure that when he left her he’d always be remembered. At the same time she tried to keep him at a distance so that when he did leave it wouldn’t hurt as much. She had never expected him to care so much that he’d want to help her or at least stay with her. She had been preparing for his departure without even realizing it.

He was trying to do the right thing, which was one of the things she lo – liked so much about him. He was just trying to protect her and she appreciated that because she would do anything to protect him too.

It wasn’t pride holding her back and encouraging her to say such mean things, but fear. Fear that Logan would get too close and leave her and then she’d be left picking up the pieces. Fear that Logan would insist that she get help and then abandon her. Fear that when she began to go to therapy she’d figure out how fucked up she really was and he would too, resulting in his departure.

What she was really doing was driving him away with the damage she was causing him. He just wanted to help her, was that really too much to ask. He just wanted to do right by her, could she really deny him of that?

“Okay.” She said suddenly interrupting the glaring contest between Logan and Piz.

“Okay?” Logan asked ripping his eyes from Piz who seemed to breath a sigh of relief.

“Okay. I’ll go. But you’re coming with me.” She said vehemently.

Logan was silent for a minute and then nodded reluctantly, “alright.”

“Good.” She gave him a dazzling smile and then turned to grab her things from the bed. She ducked under Piz’s arm and gave Logan a hard kiss on the lips. Trying to convey everything in that kiss she wasn’t able to say.

_I’m so sorry for saying those things. I’m so sorry for bringing up Aaron. I’m so sorry for being a royal pain. I’m sososososo sorry._

“I’m sorry.” She whispered suddenly needing him to know how sorry she truly was. She reached up to kiss him again needing to reassure herself that he wasn’t leaving.

He didn’t reply instead choosing to kiss her. She breathed a sigh of relief when they pulled apart thankful that he was able to put up with her. Although she knew she had a lot to make up for, especially with the hurtful words she’d said to him.

“I’m sorry.” She repeated pulling back again and gazing into his smoldering brown eyes.

“Bygones.” He replied waving away her apology.

“No Logan—“

“Let me just take you home, ok?”

She nodded slowly and took his hand so they could leave.

“I’ll see you guys—“ Piz began to say, but Logan shut the door before he could finish his adieu.


	5. How Does That Make You Feel?

Chapter 5 How Does That Make You Feel?

The silence was suffocating in the car. The air seemed to be pressing down upon them and the atmosphere was tense. They sat there both unwilling to be the first one to make a move.

Logan was seated in the driver’s seat shooting furtive looks at Veronica as she sat beside him staring out the front window, a glazed expression on her face. He would give anything to be able to tell what she was thinking at that moment. He hoped she wasn’t thinking of running. If only she would turn so he could see her eyes and then he’d know how to help. If only this didn’t have to happen. If only they could just put all of the bad stuff behind them.

When it was five minutes to the start of the appointment Logan figured it was finally time to remove themselves from the safety of the car.

"Veronica?" mumbled Logan breaking her revere.

She turned to him slowly and nodded already knowing what he was going to say. She took a deep breath gave him a smile that came out looking more like a grimace and touched the door handle.

He opened his mouth to say something encouraging, but the words died on his lips. He didn't want to tell her false promises by saying that therapy would work or that everything would be fine. He had heard those lies too much in his life thus far and so had she. He wasn't sure if therapy would work, all the people he knew that had tried therapy only did it because of fads and generally it didn’t help, but maybe Veronica would be different. Maybe they would be different.

They walked into the building hand in hand and looked at the board to find out what floor Dr. Moon's office was on. The ride up in the elevator was as quiet as the drive had been and when they finally got off on the correct floor Logan watched Veronica hesitate before stepping off. He pulled on her arm to get her to stop and he bent down to kiss her softly on the forehead. She gave him a small smile in return and squeezed his hand before taking a deep breath and putting what he referred to as her 'Game Face' on.

Together they walked into the office and Veronica went to sign in as he picked two secluded spots in the waiting area. She came back with a clipboard and a packet an inch thick of personal information. He picked up a magazine and skimmed it unenthusiastically as she began to fill out the required information.

After what seemed like too short a time he was jarred out of an article about a rock star's son who overdosed on heroin by Veronica elbowing him to get his attention.

He looked up curiously and saw that a woman was standing in the doorway to the back of the offices staring at them intently. Veronica stood beside him and offered her hand in invitation. Without hesitation he took it and they advanced forward.

They walked over to the woman slowly and she smiled at them warmly. She was in her late fifties with grey streaking her brown hair that was pulled into a tight bun. She had bright grey eyes and slightly crooked teeth. She was wearing a pink tailored suit with a matching headband and Logan couldn't help, but think the outfit was the most hideous thing he had ever seen. Atleast if the appointment went badly Veronica and him could mock her fashion sense.

"Hello, you must be Veronica." She greeted smiling at Veronica. She had a slight accent and Logan vaguely wondered where she was from.

"My name is Dr. Moon or if you prefer MiMi I'll answer to that as well." She added.

“This is my boyfriend, Logan.” Veronica said pushing him forward a bit as if to tell the doctor it wasn’t just her who was crazy.

Logan gave her the polite smile he used to reserve for the friends’ of his parents.

She smiled back warmly and gestured them forward.

"Thank you for meeting with us on such short notice." Veronica said glancing over at Logan.

"Well the man I talked with on the phone was very...forward. He said you might change your mind if we waited too long." Dr. Moon said chuckling as if it were a joke.

Logan frowned not finding it in the least bit funny.

"That would be my father." Veronica supplied.

"How about we come into my office and we can discuss why you are here?" She said moving away from the door and towards the back of the office.

Veronica shot Logan a dark look and he put a hand around her waist to reassure her and also to guide her forward so she couldn't run if she tried.

They stopped in front of a large brown door and the doctor pushed it open to reveal a wide circular room with a desk and two couches. The room was decorated in different works of art and a Feelings Chart hung in the corner. There was also a chair in front of the couches and Logan figured that was where the doctor sat while she interrogated the patient.

"Sit wherever you feel comfortable." She said and went to sit behind her desk.

Veronica and Logan sat on the couch furthest from the desk and she smiled slightly at that.

"So first I want to start off by saying everything that is discussed in this room is confidential. I can't use any information or tell anyone any information unless you tell me you are going to harm yourself or someone else. I also will not share anything that we discuss one on one with your partner. This is a safe place." She made a wide gesture with her hands and then clasped them over her heart.

Logan and Veronica exchanged smirks.

"So let's discuss why you think therapy is for you."

Logan glanced at Veronica and waited for her to explain the situation, but when he turned to her he found her staring at him.

"Either one of you can start." Dr. Moon encouraged.

Veronica sighed heavily when Logan gave her a significant look and she shifted uncomfortably.

"I didn't want to come without Logan." She stated making the doctor raise her eyebrows.

“Why do you think that is?” Dr. Moon asked curiously already jotting down notes.

Veronica shrugged refusing to say anything more.

Logan sighed already knowing how this was going to turn out. He didn’t know why he’d expected anything else. Veronica was stubborn and defensive. Neither of them were very open people and it took a _very_ long time for them to open up. The only reason they knew as much as they did about each other was because they had been through everything together. And the stuff they hadn’t been able to tell each other was the entire reason they were there in the first place, her rape and his abuse, and all the things in between.

He wondered not for the first time why he thought this was a good idea, but then the image of Veronica in that hospital bed came to mind and he knew despite his numerous reservations this was something they needed. They both needed this. If they didn’t do this he was sure what would happen.

"Alright, well we’ll come back to that later. Now, what do you want to work on? What do you think is wrong with your relationship?” she asked. Her encouraging expression still plastered on her face.

"Nothing."

“Communication.”

They said in unison. They turned to look at each other with matching expressions of incredulousness on their faces.

The doctor looked at them and waited for them to go on. When they didn't add anything else she watched them have a silent conversation with their eyes. After observing them with mild fascination she decided to intervene.

"Why do you say nothing, Veronica?"

Veronica signed impatiently, "We didn't come here to work on our relationship. I came because Logan wants me to work out my issues. Something happened and he's...worried."

"Why do you say it like that? Like I'm the one who is being unreasonable? I'm more than worried Veronica! And don't make what happened sound so trivial it's anything but!"

"I'm not making anything sound trivial Logan! I'm saying how it is! It was an incident that happened—"

"It was a fucking big incident!" Logan snarled.

"Why do you think you need to work on your communication, Logan?" Dr. Moon interrupted.

"Because she doesn't talk about anything! She bottles everything inside and then runs away when things get difficult! Like this thing that happened with Mercer—"

"Logan! That's private!"

"Like I said everything discussed in is room isn't going to be exposed. Who is Mercer?" Dr. Moon soothed.

A silence enveloped the room at her question and she took a deep breath and looked between them.

"The one thing you need to understand about therapy is that it doesn't work unless you want help. I can only help you if you are willing to help yourself. People can spend years in therapy, but if they don't change their habits they won't solve the problem. So let's discuss what you want to achieve. Logan, how about you go first?"

Logan was silent for a minute and then he leaned forward resting his elbows on his legs. "I want us to communicate and I want you to come to terms with what happened." He said softly speaking to Veronica.

"And Veronica what do you want?"

Her silence stretched on longer than Logan's, but eventually she opened her mouth to respond. "I want you to find closure about Aaron and...I want this to work. I need us to work." She whispered.

Dr. Moon smiled and nodded, "Good. So how this works is we can either meet all three of us or I can meet with you separately. I specifically specialize in rape victims and couples therapy, but I also work with various other issues. What specifically brought you here? Was it a fight or a—"

"Veronica saved her friend’s roommate from getting raped and then almost got raped herself." Logan interrupted.

"And Logan's father..." Veronica bit her lip unable to get the words out.

"Logan's father did what?"

There was a long silence that stretched after the question.

"He wasn't a good father." Logan said unable to say the words either. They had never discussed his abuse and he had never been able to say the word, similarly to how Veronica was unable to say rape after the revelation about Cassidy.

"Have you been sexually assaulted before Veronica?"

She nodded slowly feeling uncomfortable about discussing the topic with virtually a stranger.

"Alright we can discuss that later. Would you like to meet together or—"

"Together. We said we'd do this together." Veronica exclaimed.

Doctor nodded, "occasionally we’ll want to meet separately, but together will work, for now at least. Alright so now that we have that covered why don’t you tell me how you two met?”

Logan glanced over at Veronica who was looking down at her lap a slight smile dancing on her lips.

“We were twelve.” Logan stated.

“And you’ve been together since?” the doctor asked surprised.

“No. He dated my friend and I was dating his friend.” Veronica added.

Dr. Moon nodded slowly.

“So how did you meet?” she asked again.

Veronica sighed and glanced over at Logan who was smirking at her.

“I had finished my soccer game and was waiting for someone to come get me. I was playing on the playground near the elementary school that was right across from the soccer field and I remember that the sun was close to setting. My mom was running late and Logan was at the park with Mrs. Navarro. We began to talk and we found out that we were both friends with the Kanes…one thing led to another and we became best friends. All four of us were best friends. The fab four.” Veronica said quietly lost in a long time ago.

“Mrs. Navarro took me to the park to get me out of the house. My parents were arguing. It was my second day in Neptune and I had watched the soccer game with Lilly and Duncan. I remember Lilly pointing Veronica out during the game and I watched how she moved around the other players, dodging them, feinting them, just outsmarting everyone. I remember wondering what she was really like outside the field. Before the game was over though Celeste came to get them and I was too shy to go up to Veronica until we were the last ones around.” Logan added reminiscing.

“You never told me that.” Veronica said.

Logan smirked, “which part?”

“All of it. You just let me think we’d coincidentally met on the playground not that you’d been watching me from afar.” She said smartly.

“It wasn’t like I was waiting to get you alone. I didn’t want to go home and you couldn’t go home. That’s it.”

“What were you so shy about, then?”

Logan ducked his head and Veronica grinned at how red the back of his neck was growing.

“If I remember correctly you were pretty shy at that time too. Someone had a hard time speaking in front of me for a good few weeks.” He said recovering from his own embarrassment.

“I had lost my voice.” She said nonchalantly.

Logan leaned back into the couch shaking his head. “Lost your voice? You took months to warm up to me.”

“I had to feel you out!” she exclaimed.

“Was I supposed to do something untrustworthy at twelve? Always the suspicious one.” Logan said his smile dropping.

Veronica frowned, “I never knew what to say to you. You had Superstars for parents and I was just…me. I felt like…I don’t know. I was twelve.”

“You never told me that.”

“It doesn’t really matter now. I can talk around you now.”

Logan was silent not knowing what to say.

“The Kanes…as in Jake Kane?” Dr. Moon asked curiously.

They exchanged a look and the doctor bit her lip apologetically.

“I’m sorry. Continue.” She said waving them forward.

“Nothing really more to add. We became best friends then I began dating Lilly at fourteen and Veronica started dating Duncan at – what fifteen?” Logan asked turning to her.

She nodded slowly.

“So how did you get together than?” Dr. Moon asked curiously.

“It’s a long story.” Veronica said glancing over at the clock.

“And it seems like our time is up.” She added happily.

Dr. Moon glanced at the clock and nodded. “That would seem so. When should we make the next appointment?”

“This time next week.” Logan said shooting Veronica a look knowing if she had her choice it would be never.

Dr. Moon nodded, “alright and please bring your insurance information next time. This was a bit of a free-be.”

Logan nodded and took the appointment card and then steered Veronica towards the door her face a mixture of confusion.

Dr. Moon said ‘goodbye’ and they made they way down to the car.

“My dad is paying for this right?” Veronica asked suspiciously.

Logan glanced over at her trying to maintain an innocent look on his face. “We can use my insurance if you want.”

“No Logan. I don’t want you paying for this or putting your insurance down for me. I’ll pay for it. I got myself into this.” She mumbled running a hand through her hair.

“Veronica—“

“I’ll ask my dad when I get home.” She said cutting him off.

Logan gritted his teeth and opened the door with more aggression than needed.

* * *

 

The apartment was quiet when they arrived home from the session with Dr. Moon. Neither of them spoke much on their way home. Logan’s mind was on Veronica’s refusal for him to pay for her therapy and Veronica was wondering if therapy was really going to work. Keith was off working on a case and had requested Logan to stay with Veronica until he arrived home. He ordered a pizza, while Veronica looked through her movies to decide what to watch. They snuggled on the couch together under a heap of blankets and waited for the movie to start. Logan’s arm was wrapped around her shoulders and her head was rested on his shoulder. Their legs were intertwined on the couch, although Logan’s feet hung off the loveseat since he was a bit too big to lay down comfortably on the couch.

Not even a halfway through Beauty and the Beast – Veronica’s choice and the only reason Logan agreed to it was because she pouted and looked sad – the doorbell rang.

After playing Rock, Paper, Scissors to decide who would open the door Logan went to go answer it grumbling about how Veronica was a cheater. He swung the door open, money in hand, and frowned seeing a tall blonde holding a plastic container filled with what looked to be cookies.

“I’m sorry! I was looking for Veronica Mars’ apartment. Do you know where it is? My roommate must have given me the wrong address. She’s really smart but—“

“This is her apartment.” Logan said blocking the entrance to the apartment since he wasn’t sure who this was.

“Great! Who are you?” she asked eyeing him up and down with interest.

Logan raised an eyebrow, “her boyfriend. Can I help you?”

“Oh! Of course! My name is Parker – Parker—“

“I know who you are.” Logan said eyeing the container in her hands.

“Well are you going to invite me inside? I have something I want to give to Veronica.” Parker chirped.

Logan frowned and glanced over to Veronica who was snuggled under the blankets and looking at him.

“I’m not sure—“ Logan began.

“It’s fine.” Veronica called from her place on the couch.

Logan sighed and nodded moving away from the door and allowing Parker to enter. She grinned widely and stepped into the apartment taking in the small area.

“Wow! I imagined you’d live somewhere…” Parker trailed off plastering on a wider smile.

Veronica moved out from under the blankets toward Parker and Logan moved away from the two blondes and settled himself on Keith’s armchair watching them interact with caution. Veronica and other girls rarely got along so he always had a good time watching, especially if the girl showed interest in him.

“I made these.” Parker said shoving the container in Veronica’s hands.

“I’m not sure if they’re good, but Mac let me borrow her kitchen. I just had to say thank you and tell you how meaningful what you did was. I just…Thanks.” Parker said moving too quickly for Veronica to have time to dodge her and pulled her into a tight hug.

Logan chortled from the couch watching his Superhero Girlfriend being hugged by a Pep Squad Clone.

“You have no idea how much you really saved me, Veronica. I mean, can you imagine what would’ve happened if you hadn’t? I would’ve been another one of his victims. I would have been one of those girls everyone looks at and feels sorry for. I mean, it’s bad enough I have no hair anymore! Thankfully my mom flew in and found me an awesome wig! I just want you to know how much I really appreciate what you did.” Parker rambled keeping a tight hold on Veronica.

“You’re…welcome.” Veronica choked out finally coming out of the vice like grip Parker had on her.

Parker giggled and went to sit on the couch, Veronica followed reluctantly glancing at Logan who was staring at Parker with a stony expression.

“So anyway I have, like, no idea what happened, but Mac told me you saved me and I just feel compelled to show you how much it means to me. She said you came into the room, saw me, then attached him, and that was it. I mean – OhMiGod! Are you watching Beauty and the Beast? This is like my favorite movie! Well actually Mulan is, but B.A.T.B is really awesome too. Anyway I just came to say thanks and bring you the cookies.”

“It’s no problem Parker.” Veronica said trying to maintain a friendly smile on her face.

“It’s just, Veronica, I keep thinking about what could’ve happened if I had been raped, you know? Like how different would I be, how sexually damaged, how totally unable to be with a guy, how everyone would look at me like a victim, and especially how dirty I would feel after that terrible thing happened. I mean, how does someone get over being raped like that? Of course, you don’t have any of the answers this has never happened to you, but like I just keep thinking about the what-ifs, you know? How would I feel to be the rape victim? Or like, how would I feel to never want to have sex with a guy again because of fear? I just can’t deal with it, it’s, like a lot to cope with.” Parker said gazing at Veronica with big eyes.

Veronica opened her mouth and then closed it. She looked over at Logan who was outwardly glaring at Parker and then she looked back at Parker who was still staring at her with a sympathetic look on her face.

“You know, Parker, thanks for coming by, but Logan and I were actually going to finish the movie—“

“Oh yeah! Don’t let me stop you. I’d love to stay and watch though.” Parker said taking Veronica’s hands and squeezing them hopefully. “It’s just really hard to be alone right now.” She added with a wistful sigh.

Veronica gritted her teeth and looked over at Logan who was shaking his head behind Parker’s shoulder.

“We’d really love to have you—“

“Great! We’re at my favorite part! I love how Belle sacrifices herself for her father. It’s so heroic, you know.”

“We actually wanted—“

“I mean, the beast is so awful at first, but he really knows how to love, you know. I’ve always wanted to find a guy like that. Dangerous and sexy, but totally sensitive.” Parker added thoughtfully.

Then she turned and looked over her shoulder at Logan who was looking as if he were in physical pain.

“I’m sorry Veronica never introduced us. What’s your name?” she chirped.

“Logan, and we were actually hoping to be alone tonight. Veronica’s still shaken up about the whole ordeal.” Logan said ignoring Veronica’s pointed look at him.

Parker blinked rapidly and then stood up quickly a hurt look flickering across her face.

“Right, of course! I’m sorry! I just really wanted the company. Well, I hope you feel better Veronica, I mean, like, you weren’t the one almost raped so, like, I totally understand or at least I’ll try to even though I was the one in danger. I’ll just see you at school.” Parker simpered.

Veronica stared at her in indignation. “Listen, Parker, I get you’re upset, but there’s no need to—“

“You’re right, I’m just still dealing. I’ll see you later, Veronica.” Parker said and then turned and stormed out of the house.

Veronica watched her go unable to get the words out of her head of what Parker said. Her words seemed to go around in circles on repeat, she needed to push them out of her head. She slowly turned to Logan who was resting his elbows on his knees.

“She seems lovely.” He said dryly.

“I lost count of how many backhanded compliments she said to me all with a smile on her face. That’s a little impressive.” Veronica mumbled.

“Who cares? You saved her and now she’s being a bitch about it.”

“Logan! She’s just getting over what happened! It’s not her fault.”

“Veronica, she said so many things that were so ignorant toward you I can’t even—“

“That’s not the point! It’s only been a week or so, she’s still coping. It’s…difficult.”

“I get that, Ronnie, but she could’ve been nicer or at least more sensitive to what happened. She made generalizations! Someone should set her straight.”

“I don’t want anyone to know about me. It’s bad enough that you, Wallace, and Mac know, but…no one else. I just want to work through it and move on. That’s what therapy is about, right? Accepting and moving on.”

Logan stared at her wanting to say more, but knowing she was right. Parker was hurting, but she had no right to say those things, especially not knowing her history.

“Fine, but I still think she should be set straight.” He said leaning back into the armchair.

Veronica sighed, “I’ll deal with it later.”

He nodded and they looked at each other for a long time.

“You gonna come back over here?” she asked smiling slightly and patting the spot he previously occupied.

“What do I get?”

“A kiss.”

He smirked and moved the short distance to the couch. She leaned up and pressed a soft kiss to his lips feeling like it had been too long since they had done this. Their lips moved in unison making up for lost time and when air became an issue they finally pulled apart. She snuggled in closer to him and closed her eyes feeling for the first time in a long time content.

“Veronica?”

“Hm?”

“About what you said in therapy…about how you felt like you had nothing—“

The doorbell rang interrupting Logan and reluctantly he got up to answer it. He paid the pizza guy and set the pizza on the counter. He piled two plates high with slices and set them down on the coffee table. When he moved back over to sit beside Veronica she had turned the TV back on. He opened his mouth to ask the question again, but she let out a little giggle at something on the screen. He took in her small smile and the slowly returning light to her eyes and he made a mental note to ask her about it later. It could wait. What they needed right now was happiness.


	6. Anger & Grief

Chapter 6 Anger & Grief

            Mac felt a little nervous standing outside of Dick’s room at the Grand. Scratch that, she was extremely nervous. So nervous she felt as if she were going to blow chunks all over the pristine hotel carpet.

            She raised her hand to knock on the door and then withdrew it already knowing this was a bad idea. She screwed her eyes shut, took a deep breath, and touched her fist to the wood.

Then she withdrew it again agonizing that she was being stupid for coming here. She turned around once, twice, three times, then finally stomped as close to the door as she could and banged so loudly the neighbor from across the hall stuck their head out to glare at her.

            “Sorry.” Mac mumbled ducking her head and anxiously twisting her fingers.

            The neighbor guffawed and went back into the room slamming the door behind him. Mac continued to wait wondering if maybe Dick was out.

            She had purposefully made sure no one besides Dick was there. She had texted Veronica to see how the therapy session had gone. Veronica said that their first appointment was okay and that Logan was staying over and getting pizza. This provided her with the opportunity she needed to come see Dick.

            She raised her hand to knock again, but the door swung open and a disheveled Dick stuck his head out surprise written across his face.

            “What are you doing here?” Dick demanded to know.

            Mac frowned taken aback by his tone.

            “I just…nevermind.” She said deciding that she was being an idiot for even contemplating coming here.

            “Wait! Ghostworld, come back.” Dick yelled as she turned around to go back towards the elevator.

            Mac sighed in annoyance and turned to glare at him.

            “It’s Mac. I’ve told you this.”

            “Whatever.” He said leaning against the doorframe.

            She sighed and tilted her head at him waiting for him to either invite her in or change his mind and tell her to go.

            “Do you wanna come in?” he asked finally.

            She nodded and followed him inside. She took in the hotel room with the dirty takeout containers and empty boxes of beer. She pondered on how disgusted the maids were whenever they came into the hotel room.

            “Don’t you have maids that clean?” she wondered.

            Dick smiled settling back on the couch and picking up where his videogame was paused. She knew now why he had taken so long to get to the door.

            “Yeah, everyday.”

            She wrinkled her nose in disgust at how quickly the hotel could get so dirty, but she figured that they were teenage boys, rich teenage boys who had no sense of money or self- control. At least that’s what she had seen.

            “So why are you here, Mackie?” he asked glancing over at her between shooting zombies.

            She shrugged, “I just…”

            He nodded slowly and looked over at her for longer than he should have because he ended up getting shot and killed.

            “Yeah.” He mumbled as the game re-started.

            She gave him a sad smile relieved that he understood. He seemed to be one of the few that did. She thought about how they had come to their understanding and she let her mind go back to that horrible night where Parker almost got raped.

 

* * *

 

 

_“Do you want to sleep in my room or the couch?” Dick asked as he let them into the hotel room._

_Mac looked around the place unable to look at Dick. “Don’t care.” She grumbled moving toward the couch._

_“Take my room.” He offered._

_She paused and glanced at him making sure to avoid his eyes. She knew if he saw her eyes then he’d see what she so desperately wanted to avoid talking about. She knew they were both thinking of…of Cassidy and she really didn’t want to talk about him. Especially with Dick who’d always been the epitome of asshole to her._

_“I think I’ll take the couch. I’m assuming it has less bodily fluids on it.” She said cagily._

_Dick rolled his eyes, “whatever.”_

_She watched him leave for a minute and she looked around the hotel living room taking in the various takeout containers that were no doubt Logan’s. She eyed the pizza box, but she didn’t feel hungry enough to eat anything._

_Instead she felt sick. The image of Veronica on the floor and Parker on the bed stuck in her mind forever. She couldn’t believe that she had, had the guts to do what she had done. She would’ve done it again in a heartbeat, there was no way she couldn’t. He was psychotic. She wondered what was going through his mind. She wondered if that’s what had gone through Cassidy’s mind too._

_“Here.” Dick said throwing a blanket at her._

_She looked up at him surprised and took it absentmindedly._

_“I’ll be in there if you need anything.” Dick said nodding to one of the rooms._

_She nodded and cuddled the blanket to her chest._

_“So…goodnight.” He said._

_She nodded again and watched as he went into his room. She turned off the lights and tried to sleep on the hotel sofa, but it eluded her until finally she fell into a fitful sleep featuring that guy – Mercer – Cassidy, and her being left naked in a hotel room. She was screaming for help as she ran through the Grand needing to tell anyone who would listen about Cassidy’s plan when she felt someone gently shaking her awake._

_She jerked away hitting whoever it was in the head with her own head and the both of them let out a slew of curses. She sat back against the couch and glared at Dick who must’ve been the one trying to wake her up._

_“What the hell was that?” he snapped rubbing at the red spot on his head._

_She glared at him touching her own head where the damage was and trying to sooth the pain._

_“It’s not like I did it on purpose.” She retorted standing up to shake off the rest of the dream as it replayed in her head._

_“You were screaming.” Dick stated._

_She turned back to look at him and he looked so understanding she felt a momentary flash of desire to tell him all about her dream. She needed to know if he felt like she did, if he carried around this despair and self-loathing for not helping Cassidy. She hated herself for not seeing the signs, for not helping, and she hated herself for wanting him to be alive when he’d hurt so many people. The despair was obvious she loved him. Loved him like she didn’t think she would ever love anyone again. She knew she was stupid for feeling this way, but she did and had no idea what to do or who to talk to. And now after everything that happened tonight the feelings she had thought she’d buried so well had floated to the surface like a dirty secret unable to stay hidden._

_“Sometimes I have these dreams.” She revealed looking at the black screen of the TV._

_“About what?” he asked softly._

_“That night. What I did wrong. Everything that should’ve been different.” She whispered staring at the blackness of the TV since it was easier to look at the darkness._

_Dick was quiet for a moment and she wondered if he was unable to relate. She wondered if he even understood what she was talking about. But then she felt warmth on her arm and she looked over at him so close to her, his hand on her limb and his warm breath tickling her cheek._

_“I know.” He said and she knew it wasn’t him just comforting her, but he really did know what she was talking about. He knew because he had the same dreams, the ones where they could’ve saved everything if only they had seen what was going on underneath their noses._

_She moved closer to him and surprised them both by hugging him to her. He wrapped his arms around her and he led her back to the couch neither of them breaking connection with each other, both wanting to scare away the loneliness. They needed to feel the comfort of someone else or else they’d be lost to their grief._

 

* * *

 

            “You wanna play?” Dick asked waving a second controller at her.

            Mac nodded and together they sat in silence playing videogames. The sounds that echoed in the room were of guns and screams.

 

* * *

 

            Mac got back to the dorm later that night, much later than she had originally planned. She had gotten too wrapped up in Dick and the videogames that she lost track of time. She was surprised to see Parker angrily reorganizing their room when she got back and she hoped that it wasn’t some new big drama. Mac had found out that when Parker was agitated or uncomfortable she tended to clean and reorganize. There dorm since the time of the incident had been changed around no less than five times and Mac was starting to get annoyed when she couldn’t find her belongings.

            “There you are! Where have you been?” Parker whined angrily.

            “What’s wrong?” Mac asked not feeling like answering Parker’s question.

            “Just…erg! I tried to be nice! That’s all I’m saying.” Parker said collapsing onto a pile of unfolded clothes she’d taken out of her closet and was reorganizing.

            “Okay…” Mac said going over to her side of the room thankful that nothing had been reorganized as of yet. She collapsed onto the bed and tried to ignore her thoughts. She knew Hurricane Parker would be over shortly making comments about things she owned and held near and dear just so she could take her own anger out on the new drama unfolding in her life.

            “I went to see Veronica.” Parker stated haughtily.

            “Okay.” Mac said not really in the mood to talk. She wished she was back at the Grand playing videogames with Dick and ordering room service. They had barely talked, but the company was nice and Dick was a pretty good competitor in videogames. It had taken her mind off of everything and now Parker was going to bring her crashing back to reality.

            “I brought her cookies. I went to your house and baked them, like you offered. Your mom is so nice.” Parker said not noticing Mac’s downtrodden mood.

            “So I go over to Veronica’s and, like, she’s all mope or whatever. And I give her the cookies, I worked, like, so hard on and Logan basically tells me to leave. He was so…not how I would picture a Superstar’s son. Like he was really hot, but totally an asshole. I mean, Aaron was so nice and did so much charity work, you would think Logan would be just like his father.” Parker rambled making Mac stare at her incredulously.

            “Aaron Echolls killed Logan’s girlfriend. How is he nice?” Mac asked raising her head from her pillow.

            “But he was nice to his fans. So tragic he’s dead.” Parker mused folding a pink cardigan daintily.

            “Parker…” Mac began, but stopped unsure what to say. What could she say. She’d never met Aaron specifically, but Veronica had told her bits and pieces and nothing she had heard indicated Aaron to be nice or anything but creepy and murderous.

            “I just don’t get it. Why is Veronica being such a mega-bitch? I mean, I went over and baked her some cookies and Logan jumps down my throat to get me to leave. I was just trying to be nice, when really she should be nice to me because hello! I was almost assaulted!” Parker said angrily.

            Mac fully sat up on her bed and stared at Parker unable to take anymore.

            “Parker, you don’t know what you’re talking about. At all. Veronica…Veronica’s lived a very hard…life.” Mac said feeling a bubbling of anger coming to the surface. The edges of her vision were turning red, she wasn’t sure why she was so angry, but she needed to set Parker straight. Parker had no idea what she was talking about and Mac could only imagine why Logan was so angry if Parker had said any of the things she had said to Mac.

            Parker snorted, “I bet she was, like Head-Cheerleader or something. I mean she’s dating Logan—“

            “Shut up! Parker just shut up! My God, do you listen to yourself? She’s been through a helluva lot! She’s lost so many people in her life and yet she is still able to see the good in people. She saved you! She put her own life in danger to save you and you are here bitching about her! She saved you, do you understand what she went through to make sure you were ok? She’s an amazing person who has been through more than someone should! She’s seen things that you’d never want to see. She’s going through some shit because…well that’s none of your business. But just know that what you think you know is all wrong! You know nothing and whatever you said to Veronica…just fix it and apologize. She’s hurting and if you want to be her friend or even mine you better fix it.” Mac yelled and then swung herself off the bed and stomped to the door, slamming it and leaving Parker dumbfounded surrounded by her clothes.


	7. Circular Situation

Chapter 7 Circular Situation

Veronica stared unseeingly at the wall in the cafeteria. Her mind was a million miles away and the food she had purchased was slowly growing cold in front of her.

She had to be in class in under fifteen minutes, but she couldn’t seem to gather the strength to go. She was trying to get back into the swing of things, but it was difficult to do when she had nightmares while sleeping and during the day she was constantly reminded of everything that had happened.

She wished everything would go back to normal, but she knew it wasn’t that simple. She had tried the normal route anyway and with that she learned that things would never be the same.

Ever since going to the first therapy session almost a week ago she realized that some things were just meant to happen. It wasn’t anything they had specifically discussed in therapy, it was more of what resonated with her after they had left and what Parker had said to her when they got home.

She had spent the entire year last year trying to put things the way they had been before Lilly died, but in the end it didn’t matter because some things just had to happen. They had to happen to make her a stronger person, to make her deal with things that she had tried to ignore for too long, that was fate.

When Dr. Moon had asked her to talk about when her and Logan’s beginning she couldn’t help, but ponder that everything that had happened between them was fate as well. She wasn’t one to believe in fate and destiny, maybe a fifteen year old Veronica had, but she was a realist not a fatalist, not anymore.

 “Are you Veronica Mars?”

Veronica looked up to see a brunette girl standing in front of her holding a tray of food and wearing a nervous expression.

“That’s me.” Veronica chirped.

“I was wondering whether you could help me? I heard you’re, like kind of a detective.” The girl said sliding into the spot across from Veronica.

Veronica nodded plastering on a fake smile. “What seems to be the problem?”

 “Well I—“

“I spy someone that should be in class.” A voice sang interrupting what the girl was about to say.

Veronica glanced up in surprise hearing the voice of her boyfriend, who strangely enough sounded annoyed. She frowned and turned back to the girl that was looking at Logan with bewilderment.

“Who are you?” she asked.

 “Ignore him. If we sit still he won’t see us.” Veronica stated trying to ignore Logan’s eyes burning into her.

“Or he’ll join you and demand to know what the hell you’re doing here? Shouldn’t you be in class? I’m supposed to be the truant in this relationship.” Logan snarked trying to keep the anger to a minimum.

“Logan, I’m working right now.” Veronica said by way of an explanation.

“Hence, why I made my way over here. Don’t you think you need to take a break after everything that’s happened?” Logan asked pointedly.

Veronica raised her eyebrows so far they disappeared under her side bangs.         

 “You know I can come back at a better time.” The girl said standing up and grabbing her things.

“Don’t bother, she’s taking a vacation for a few weeks.” Logan snapped ignoring Veronica’s glower.

]“You can’t do that, Logan! You have no right to tell me when I can and can’t help people.” Veronica snarled grabbing her own things to leave the table she’d been occupying.

 “I have a right when I care about you. I know this is who you are, Nancy Drew, but can’t you take a break? Can we just deal with what’s going on between us before you jump back onto the ship of danger?” Logan pleaded trying to get her to see reason.

“I don’t want to take a break. I want to get back to work. I want to solve mysteries and help people. I don’t want to stop being me because of what happened.” Veronica said moving past him and toward the entrance of the cafeteria.

Logan followed after her not ready to finish their conversation.

“You always do this! When you don’t want to deal with something you dive into your work. It’s not healthy, Veronica.” He said as he walked beside her.

“I don’t burry myself in my work!” she protested knowing that was a bold faced lie. She always had done that. When Lilly died it was easier to see everything through the eyes of a detective instead of a friend. When she was investigating her rape it was easier to examine the problem and remove herself from the equation. Whenever she had an issue with something she buried herself and even though she wanted to deny it she knew it was the truth.

“Come on, Veronica. I’m not asking you to stop being you, I’m asking you to take a break. Take a week or two and then we can start going after the villains.”

 Veronica stopped walking and turned around to face him. “What do you mean ‘we?’”

“I just figured maybe I could help you. We’ve worked together in the past, and—“

“There is no ‘we’, Logan. I work alone and I’m going to start investigating again whether you approve or not. I agreed to do this stupid therapy thing with you even though I have no idea how I’m going to pay or how my dad is going to pay—“

“I’ll pay for it.”

“No.”

 “Veronica—“

 “No.”

“I don’t mind. As long as we get help, I’ll spend millions of dollars if I have to.” He said searching her eyes to see if she’d cave.

 She looked away thinking about what they had talked about after the first therapy session and then what he was proposing now. Suddenly an idea – truthfully if she was not so distracted she would’ve come up with it quicker – popped into her head.

“We’ll split it. You aren’t paying for all of it. Just like you can’t tell me whether I can investigate or not.” She said haughtily

 “I’m not telling you what to do! I care about you! I want to make sure that you’re safe. I’m just asking for you to take a few weeks to yourself. Is that really so hard?”

Veronica huffed and looked away from him, “I have to go to class.”

Logan watched her walk away wondering if they’d ever work out their issues.

* * *

 

 

Two hours later Veronica’s teacher released them for the day. Her head was full of knowledge and she was dreading all of the homework she was going to have to do this week. She was already mentally making a schedule of how to squeeze in doing her homework and investigating when she spotted Logan leaning against the wall outside her classroom and waiting for her.

“What are you doing here?” she asked still annoyed about their argument before class.

Although in all honesty she had been going over their argument all throughout class and had come to a few conclusions. The first revelation was she was being too stubborn for her own good. She had to give a little and she knew that. If she didn’t they’d be right back at the beginning of their issues and since she wanted to work everything out as badly as he did she needed to give on some of her stances, like the money and the investigating.

But she didn’t need to tell him that she’d changed her mind on a few things.             The second revelation was she needed to be more open with him if this was going to work and as difficult as she knew that would be, she wanted to. Their relationship was important to her and she wanted to work on it to make sure it didn’t crash and burn, like the other times.

“We had plans after class.” He said rolling his eyes at her.

She blinked and reached back in her mind to her day’s schedule. She frowned realizing he was right. She’d been so distracted with her own issues she’d forgotten.

“If you want to cancel them because of earlier—“

“No.” she said quickly and then offered him a small smile.

He returned her smile and offered her an arm. “M’lady.”

Her smiled grew and she took his offered arm and wrapped her own around it.

“You know we still have to talk about this.” He said as they walked down the hallway.

“I know.” She said quietly.

“We can’t keep ignoring these things.”

“I know.”

They fell into silence both lost in their own thoughts. They arrived at Logan’s car and got in, but instead of starting the car Logan sat behind the wheel as if he was gearing up to ask something.

“Why does it really bother you that I want to pay for therapy? I mean, do you still feel…like how you did when we were twelve and you felt overwhelmed by my…lifestyle?” he stuttered out.

She frowned and looked over at him. “What are you asking?”

 “What you said in therapy, about feeling weird that my parents were Superstars and that’s why you hardly spoke…I mean, did you feel…I guess intimidated by my lifestyle? Is that why you won’t let me buy anything?” he asked looking down at the steering wheel instead of her.

Veronica was quiet for awhile not knowing what to say. “I know, initially I said I’d pay for all of it, but I think we should split it. This is a partnership Logan and I want to split everything evenly. If this is going to work we need to do everything equally, including paying for therapy. We can use your insurance, but I want to pay for my half. That’s what I’m willing to give.”

“You say you want a partnership, but you won’t let me help on cases. How is that an equal partnership?” he asked finally looking over at her.

She sighed and leaned back against the seat. “Can we deal with one thing at a time? Me investigating again and you helping are two separate issues that…frankly I want to deal with later. Today we conquered paying for therapy, tomorrow we can conquer investigating and maybe if we survive that we can take over the world.” She said giving him a tired smile.

He considered what she proposed and then nodded, “alright, we have therapy tomorrow so we can discuss it then.”

“Fantastic.” She scoffed.

“It’s not that bad, you know. It’s made me consider a lot more things since we went last week.”

“Like what?”

 “Like about whether you feel intimidated about my money.”

 “I’m not intimidated by you.”

“You were when you were twelve.”

“I was twelve and I didn’t say that. I said that I felt uncomfortable around your Superstar parents.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m just me! I mean, you’re Logan Echolls and I’m just Veronica Mars. Sometimes I wonder what you see in me when I’m so…” she trailed off feeling ridiculous about having this conversation, “It doesn’t matter.” She said finally.

“It does to me, Veronica. And you’re everything to me. You are perfect. I like everything about you. Even all the parts I find annoying, like your stubbornness and penchant for trouble.” He was quiet for a minute before asking, “So you still feel like that?”

She looked away from him not wanting him to see how vulnerable she was. “I just…maybe I do. I mean, sometimes when I see you with other girls or with the other 09ers you still hang out with I wonder…why me? I’ve been such a bitch and I’m so…”

“You aren’t broken, Veronica. Not anymore than I am.” He said knowing what she was going to say. He reached over and took one of her hands.

She gave him a grateful smile and moved a hand to rest on his cheek. “Sometimes I think you’re too good for me and the money thing…the money thing has nothing to do with it. When it comes to money I want to make sure everything is equal. I want to take care of you as much as you want to take care of me.” She said quietly.

 “Okay. I can work with that.” He said quietly.

She smiled, “alright cue rising music and sappy lines. Let’s leave before we get too angsty teen romance.”

He smirked and leaned in to kiss her softly on the lips. “You’re too good for me.”

 She rolled her eyes playfully and kissed him again on the lips needing to reassure herself that he wasn’t going anywhere. She leaned her forehead against his and breathed in the familiar comforting scent of Logan. She squeezed his hand and then pulled away reluctantly.

“Let’s go, Jeeves, I have a date with my boyfriend.” She said grinning at him.

He chuckled and started the car. He headed toward the Grand feeling lighter than he had in awhile.            


End file.
